Reconnecting Roads
by MidnightLove87
Summary: Two exs join together after four years apart to make it home for the holidays before it's too late. E/B AH
1. Chapter 1

**Posting again... Shhh... **

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**Chapter 1**

The snow is starting to fall steadily now, so I pull my coat closer to me and adjust my hat so my ears won't get cold. The long walk across campus is really starting to drain on me and I'm glad that I'll be graduating soon. That and my lecture is cancelled for the evening, meaning I have a free night to myself. A rare but welcomed occasion.

A few beers and some Chinese food sounds pretty damn good to me after the week I've had. Not to mention that I'm not entirely looking forward to the long drive I have ahead of me starting tomorrow.

Mom wants me home earlier so I'll have a few days to spend with the family, before I have to dive back into my studies. And, to be honest, I kinda want to be home too. Studying to be an electrical engineer is no cake walk, but while the last four years have worn on me, I've grown from it. I've settled on a specialty and already have job offers floating my way.

But even with the way life is looking for me, at the moment, I'm dying to change into some sweats, call for some take-out and kick back on the couch for the night.

I brush off my shoulders and rub my freezing hands together, blowing out a breath, wishing this storm would end soon. It's getting bad and the forecasters are calling for ice later on, which will make the drive home tomorrow challenging.

Though, it isn't as if I haven't seen snow before. Growing up in Maine, you see it plenty, the same with ice, but I'm just not big on taking long drives in it. And living for the past four years in Illinois hasn't been a picnic either. Northwestern University is very prestigious, but that doesn't mean it is set in a beautiful, always sunny state. Nope, Illinois gets plenty of weather, just like home.

I sigh to myself and remember my dad's words of wisdom. _"Son, in life, you can change pretty much everything except for the weather." _I smile at the sound of his voice echoing through my head, he had many good pieces of advice. When I was younger, I didn't always follow it, but now, I can see the importance of it.

As I am attempting to keep warm, I see a sight that I've only caught glimpses of over the past few years. Something that makes me want to keep looking more, but I can never bring myself to. And every time I see it, my heart aches, hard.

Brown hair, covered in fresh flakes, pink cheeks, and at closer inspection, blood-shot, brown eyes.

Bella Swan.

Don't get me wrong, here; I'm not stalking her or anything. Bella and I used to know each other, quite well, actually. But that was back in the day.

Though we haven't technically spoken in over four years, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't know when she is crying. Things like that just don't change, no matter how many years go by. And at this moment, I can clearly see her trying to hide her face as tears roll continuously down those flushed cheeks of hers.

Something in my gut twists at the sight and I can't fight the urge to walk over to her and see what's wrong.

My boots crunch in the snow as I approach her. And as hard as it is to admit, I have to say that my heart speeds up a little as I get closer. This is, after all, the first time in four years that I'll be making some kind of attempt at conversation with her. But, with those four years, I have grown. I know people change over time and I hope that since time has passed we can now bridge that gap between us, even if it is just for a friend to help another friend out.

"Bella," I rasp, once I'm in ear shot, surprised at how my own voice sounds and how constricted my throat suddenly feels.

The urge to slap myself is overwhelming. No matter how many years it's been, she is still Bella and there's no need to get all worked up.

"Yeah," she sniffles, before looking up and wiping her eyes.

When they are clear, she looks startled to see me standing there. That's to be expected after everything, but it isn't like I'm devoid of all human emotions. I still feel compelled to fix the situation when I see a pretty girl upset.

"Ed-Edward?"

"Hey," I greet dumbly.

"Hi."

"I…um…I just wanted to make sure you were okay," I tell her, trying to explain my unusual presence.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she murmurs, not looking me in the eyes.

"You look just fine too," I say sarcastically and roll my eyes.

No, I didn't come over to her to be mean, but clearly I can see everything is not just 'fine'. And maybe the anger that has been buried beneath the surface for so many years is beginning to show through, but I can't help but be pissed. I hate being lied to and that is exactly what she's doing.

She chokes out a humorless laugh before glancing back up to my face. "Well, Edward, if you call spending Christmas alone in my dorm room, _okay_, then I guess, yeah, everything is just fucking peachy."

My eyebrows rise in unison, before I frown. "What's the matter?" I wonder quietly, trying, for some strange reason, to be the friend I sense she needs.

"Don't worry, Edward, it's nothing for you to trouble yourself over," she states, wiping furiously at her eyes.

I take a deep breath, trying to collect myself. The last thing she needs is someone blowing up at her.

"B, I didn't mean to butt in, but it's pretty obvious that something's wrong. So if you want someone to talk to, just remember, despite everything, I'm here for you," I offer, turning in the snow and heading back the way I came.

It's weird how I can suddenly feel just how cold I am and yet, while I was standing there talking with her, I couldn't feel a bit of it.

"Edward wait," I faintly hear her call out from behind me.

I stop in my tracks and trudge back to her. "Yeah?" I ask softly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be a bitch. It was nice of you to reach out to me. After…you know…"

I shrug and smile at her, hoping to ease her obvious anxiety and cheer her up some.

"I'm just still trying to believe that next week, while everyone else will be celebrating at home, warm, with their families. I will be sitting in my drafty dorm room all alone," she explains, with a sigh.

I shake my head, not that I keep tabs on her, but I heard from some of our mutual friends over the years, that her father normally flies her home for Christmas. Bella's mom has been out of the picture for some time, so her dad likes to have her around for the holidays.

"Your dad's not going to fly you home?" I question, trying not sound like a prick.

I have to admit there were a few years in the past that I saw kids piling into a car and heading to the airport, and I was jealous. My parents have never been able to afford to fly me home. Not around the holidays, but now, I like my drive, and I wouldn't fly even if I could. It's two days of peace. It gives me time to reflect on the past months at school, come up with things that I want to tell them about, and for whatever reason it makes me cherish the short time I have with them.

"He's been sick and needed some special care, so no, he can't float me the cash to fly home. And I've never had a car out here, so I don't even have the option to drive."

"I'm sorry," I tell her sincerely. I really do feel bad for her father, being sick at this time of the year is never good and it sounds serious, whatever it is that he has.

"Thank you," she replies quietly, before sighing. "But either way, I can't afford to go home, so now I'm stuck here, but I'll survive."

As she's saying the words, something comes to mind. I'm not so sure I want to offer, but I can't really think of a better solution and I really don't want to leave her here alone over the holiday. I can't justify something like that on anyone, no matter how badly our relationship ended.

"Bella, what if…uh…" I clear my throat and try again. "What if you ride home with me?" I ask, still in the process of thinking it through.

After I say it, I know I can't take it back, at least not without coming off like a complete dick. Besides, a few days in a car together won't be the worst thing in the world.

"Really?" She sniffles one last time; her eyes brighten and she straightens up.

I sigh and nod, forcing a smile on to my face. I am really hoping what I had thought earlier is true. People change. Maybe, hopefully, she has changed…

"When do we leave?" she asks me through a watery smile.

I can't help but chuckle, she looks adorable. "Tomorrow morning, if that's okay with you?"

She nods, looking relieved and happier than before. "That's perfect, thank you, Edward."

I smile. I've done my job for the day. And maybe even my good Christmas deed for the year too.

"Well then, I guess you have some packing to do," I murmur, backing away. "I can come get you when I'm ready to go, if you want?"

"You know where I am? The Robinson building?"

I nod. "Yep, I'll see you then." And with that…I walk off toward my apartment wondering what the hell I have just gotten myself into.

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**Thoughts so far?**

**This ones gonna be short, completed before too long! **

**Some of you may already know this one...show me some love anyway. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome Back!  
Thanks MC for Beta'ing this for me! **

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**Chapter 2**

BPOV

I sit here, slouched down in my desk chair, lazily twisting my finger around a cord while staring at the suitcase sprawled out on my bed, just waiting to be packed. Clothes strewn around the room, but yet I've lost the will to actually pack anything.

I shake my head, trying uselessly to collect my thoughts. So many things are forming a cloud over me. From my father's deteriorating health and well-being, school, bills, and finally my latest debacle, Edward.

Everything and nothing is now floating through my mind. In my book, today can be categorized as a long-ass day. My head throbs at a steady beat as I consider my options.

I need something to make this day better. I'm too young to start sprouting grey hairs. That's for sure.

And while the other things are weighing on my brain, taking up their own space… It's mostly him though.

Edward.

It has been years, seriously, years, since we've even looked at each other, let alone talked to one another. I'm not completely sure I can go through with this. And the way he looked at me, didn't help either.

His eyes burned into me, just like before. The same green eyes, he had back then, still smoldering. But it was so much more than that. I think about the way he looked, the way I felt when I saw that it was in fact him standing there.

"Why on Earth did I agree to this?" I say out loud as I stomp into the bathroom.

And there, in the corner of my mirror is exactly the reason why I agreed to take this little road trip with Edward...

My dad.

I've got a thing about eyes, you know? To me, they're like the windows to the soul. And as fucked up as it sounds, I can usually tell what someone is like just from one, good, hard, look.

And Dad's brown eyes, that are the same as mine, stare back at me, and I can't think of any way to spend the holidays, other than to be there with him. He's sweet and caring. And beyond that, Daddy always looked after me well. In the past, he worked hard and always provided more than enough for him and I, because that was all there was—just us. This year's different, there's no denying that—money is real tight. But that doesn't mean I am to love him any less.

Shit happens. And above all, I need to see him for Christmas. If I get to spend Christmas with my dad, that is all the present I will need.

Without Edward, I don't have a choice. I guess I owe whatever little bastard guardian angel I have, a thank you. Because no matter how shitty the way home is, I still have one.

If it wasn't for my dad, I would have no one. It's the plain and simple truth and this year has done its best to remind me not to take him for granted.

So with that, I collect my bathroom bag, make sure everything is in there that I will need and pack it securely in the front of my suitcase. I gather my clothes, feeling a little overwhelmed when I try to decide what to bring.

I settle for simple, trying to keep my expectations low. Dad's still hurting and I'm not sure what he'll be up for once I get there.

After I finish rounding up everything I need to bring, I let out a long sigh and decide to call it a night. Sleep is going to be needed if I'm going to make it out alive. Tomorrow's bound to be the greatest test of my patience ever.

*RR*

The next morning, I wake up early wanting to be ready for when Edward decides to show up. Of course, I'm smart enough to have actually found out what time he's planning to leave. But either way, I know that it's better to be early than late.

My thoughts are right on because at exactly nine, I hear a knock on the door. It's him. I just know. I don't even have to peer out the peep hole. I can almost _feel _his presence, which to me is weird. Four years go by and there's still fluttering? What the hell is that?

I'm quick to fix my hair one last time before I finally pull open the door, only to be left breathless.

I'm right; Edward's the one at the door. But it's the button up, with a pull over sweater. The jeans that are worn, but still look so damn good, and the familiar scent of _him_ that nearly do me in. He stands there looking smart and sweet. There is an air of calm between us, whispering to me that maybe, just maybe, this will all be okay.

I pull myself together and smile at him.

"Hey," I softly greet him, feeling that if I speak too loudly it will wreck the thin ice that we are figuratively standing on.

"Hi," he says back, mirroring my smile and jutting out a hand, that holds a steaming cup of coffee.

_My savior. _

"Thank you."

Again, another smile. "So, B, where are your bags?"

I let him inside before pointing to the one suitcase and backpack that lay on the floor next to my bed.

"This is it?"

"Yep, that's all I've got," I tell him, proudly. It's almost like he's never seen a girl pack light before. And for that, I feel accomplished. I've conquered some kind of feat.

He shrugs and collects them before asking if I'm ready to leave. When I nod, he goes out the way he came and I watch completely captivated by his presence, as sad as it is to think.

After he's gone, I rush around, shutting off my desk lamp, checking to make sure I have my phone, before finally locking my door.

I hurry down the stairs and outside, just in time to see Edward loading my suitcase into the back of his SUV. I reach his side and finally understand what he means by that being all I am taking.

I gasp, but quickly cover my mouth so he can't see my emotions.

There, next to my lonely, out of place rugged looking suitcase and backpack are several fancy suitcases, and a handful of neatly wrapped gifts.

I attempt to disguise my utter sadness by turning my back to him, and swallow hard to keep away the tears, but it does little to quell the actual feelings flowing through me.

I can't even afford to buy my father a gift. With what little money I do have in my wallet, I assume I will need most of, for the trip. I'm lucky to be able to allot for one night in a cheap motel room and hopefully have enough left over to buy the fixings for a small Christmas dinner once I'm home. But that's it. No fancy tie or watch this year. Nope, it's just going to be purely my company that will be Dad's Christmas present this year. Maybe I'll even be able to find a big bow to put on my head.

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**Awe... **

**There's a little bit of Bella's POV...you'll get more soon, don't worry! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to MC for Beta'ing this bad boy! **

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**LRH**

**Edward**

I sit here, trying not to sniff the air. She smells the same. That sweet, too good to be true scent that captivated my heart from the start. My hand clenches the steering wheel and I attempt to keep my eyes on the road, because they want nothing but to stray and stare at the woman occupying the passenger seat.

Yeah, that's right, you heard me. Bella is a woman now. There's nothing girl about her. And that's abundantly obvious in the tight sweater she has underneath her coat. Her curvier figure is…_gulp_…beautiful. Not that she wasn't _before_, but now, she is stunning. And that's only in jeans and a sweater; I can't imagine what she would look like in a dress, maybe one of the form-fitting nature.

We left later than I would've liked, mainly because I remembered this morning that I hadn't given her a time yesterday. It was my fault, so instead of showing up at her door at seven, like I wanted, I waited a good two hours for a reasonable time. And much to my surprise, she was ready.

I didn't miss the fact that she isn't bringing home any gifts, though I do find it odd, I choose not to comment on it. I don't know what her plan is and I don't want to come off as rude. That is the last thing I want to do, actually.

I clear my throat before trying to talk, not wanting it to quit on me. "So, um, I think that we should only have to stay over one night. As long as my eyes hold out, I should be able to get us about halfway, by tonight."

She smiles sweetly, looking honestly happy. "That's great Edward, it sounds perfect. Thank you."

I watch as she takes her wallet out and discretely counts her cash. I finally find my reason as to why Bella has no gifts with her, and pity slips over me. I hate feeling it, especially for her, but I can't seem to stop myself. Her tender face, those deep, soulful eyes, they are the same things that first drew me to her so many years ago. And to see her struggling, it kills me.

Bella grew up with money, her family always had plenty, not to the point of socialite status, but her father was pretty well off. And she reaped the benefits of that; they definitely lived comfortably. All through high school she had a nice car, brand name clothes, and a beautiful house to go home to at night. But now, it looks like things are worse for wear.

I feel an overwhelming urge to make things better. To hold her, kiss her, tell her that everything will be okay, but then I realize that I don't even know what's wrong. Well, other than the fact that her father obviously isn't bringing in the bacon as he had in the past.

With this understanding, my mind swirls. I wonder if it's his sickness that has drained his wealth, his affinity for gambling, or maybe his company tanked. Charlie Swan is well-known in town. He ran a boat operation, first it started out as a seafood business, but then it turned into a very profitable fishing business, where he and his crew would take tourists out in the ocean for a few hours.

I never pictured him being strapped for cash though, so this is new.

An hour goes by and Bella clearly is getting bored. She pulls out my iPod from the cup holder and silently asks me if she can switch the radio over to that. I agree, a change would be nice, since she's not very talkative at the moment.

She chuckles to herself, making me look over at her with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. I wonder what can be on there that is making her laugh.

"Oh nothing, just nice to see that not much has changed…" she murmurs.

I shrug. I want to scoff at her comment, because everyone knows that things change over the course of life. In four years, we can be completely different people than we are now. And that's probably true of the four that have already passed. But I keep my thoughts to myself, not wanting to piss her off while we're stuck together.

Her thumb glides over the glass as she selects a song. A rich melody fills the cabin and I'm in heaven, as always I enjoy her music choice.

*RR*

The hours float by us with some great tunes, which Bella controls. She's good like that. Sweet too, she checks to see if I need a water or anything while I'm driving.

But before long my stomach grumbles and rumbles and I know it's time for lunch. I need something to keep me going. And after I remember Bella's situation, I decide to offer to treat her. It's only Subway, so I don't think she'll mind too much.

"What would you like?" I ask as I hold the door open for her.

She hums and haws about it, before she decides on a bag of chips. I just shake my head at her.

"My treat," I say, softly. "Please, Bella."

She smiles, but frowns quickly for a moment before whispering her thanks.

I order for us, while she gets us a table. Lunch is quiet, we focus on our food. I'm happy to see her eating. My mind begins to slip down a slope of worry about her, but I push it aside. She lives on campus; she's probably eating from the cafeteria while she's there. At least, that's what I tell myself.

When we're back in the car she starts with the music again, this time searching for old favorites. Ones we used to jam to when we were together. It's fun and relaxing. She sighs with a grin on her pretty lips and shifts back into her seat.

It makes me remember all the good times we had as a couple. And fond memories take over my mind as I continue to drive through the streets of Ohio now.

The hours fade and I'm left with Bella, blushing as certain songs waft and settle between us. Ones that I—_we_ knew well. Ones that were the background melody to our lovemaking back in the day. The pink in her cheeks does nothing to deter me from these thoughts.

_**June 1**__**st**__** 2006 – The first time**_

_She gazes down into my eyes before whispering sweet words __to__ me. _

"_I love you, too," I tell her. It's the truth, too. Everything about th__is__ girl makes me feel light and happy. We've been together for almost a year now. And while we've done everything up to sex, we still haven't take__n__ the plunge. _

_But after a few __serious __talks, we decided tonight __i__s the night. __We want to give that special gift to each other; we both know we want to be each other's first. And that it will forever be something only we will share._

_Her father __i__s gone, out on his boat somewhere in the ocean and Bella has the whole house to herself. _

_She smiles before kissing me tenderly. _

_We __a__re alone. _

_Hands move, pushing pesky clothes out of the way. Seeking out what we both want. Need…_

_She pants out my name as my fingers dip between her thighs. _

_The smooth rhythm of James Blunt plays as I turn her over. She giggles and her fingers reach up to slip into my hair. _

_I love that and let out a groan to tell her just__ how much__. _

_She smiles before I reach for the nightstand and roll on the condom I just retrieved__, then settle myself between her legs__. _

_Her face morphs and I watch, enthralled __but concerned, knowing she is hurting, __as I __slowly __push into her warm tightness that now connects us. _

_We're one. It's hard to believe, but it feels so fucking good. It's so much more than __simply__ the immediate pleasure too. It's everything. It's us. _

_My heart thumps in my chest when she begins to moan. I thrust my hips, feeling her for the first time like this__, and it feels incredible__. __She is so perfect for me._

_Our breathing is heavy, we murmur out words, names, curses at the end, before I collapse next to her in a heap__,__ feeling good, great even. But the best is when I look over to her and see those pretty lips of her__s__ pulled up into the brightest smile I ha__ve __ever seen. _

_And I know Bella will be mine, always._

At six it's dark. And I can't manage to safely navigate any further. Bella's been on her phone, texting or something for the past hour and I'm annoyed. My back is starting to hurt and my eyes feel strained. I begin looking for a hotel to stay at; one that advertises its rates, so I know it won't be too much for Bella.

I find one in a few minutes. And at sixty dollars a night, it looks decent, and I feel like we can both afford a room.

I pull in and Bella seems oblivious, all until she steps out of the car and sees where we are parked.

"That's it. We're stopping here?" she asks with a noticeable tone.

I bite back my first reaction.

"Yep, I'm tired and it's been a long day. A good night's sleep and an early morning start will ensure that we get home tomorrow."

"I just don't think we need to stop here. I'm fine to drive. I could take over for a few hours."

I shake my head, feeling my annoyance crawl up my back. I really don't want to say anything I'm going to regret, because I know it's tough for her, so I keep my mouth shut.

"Edward, this is ridiculous! I can get us further perfectly fine. Just hand me the keys," she spouts with her hand occupying her hip.

"You're not covered by my insurance," I simply tell her.

"And when did that ever stop you in the past?" she sneers.

I sigh, trying to collect myself. "Bella, I think stopping here in Cincinnati for tonight is for the best."

She scoffs, rolls her eyes, and quite possibly stomps her foot before hurrying into the hotel, out of the cold.

I let out a frustrated groan before following in behind her. She hasn't changed one damn bit. She's still a hotheaded firecracker. The same one that broke my heart all those years ago.

I shake my head and hurry out of the wind, because it's beginning to pick up and the freezing temperatures are chilling me to the bone.

"Your total is sixty-three, seventy-two," I hear the clerk say to her. After she receives her change and room number, she's quick taking her keycard. She walks fast and heads down the hall before I can even reach the counter.

After I get myself a room, which happens to be right next to hers, I head back out to the truck to retrieve our overnight bags. I figure it will be like a peace offering of sorts. I know she's pissed, so being kind can only help.

I make my way to her room and lightly knock on her door. Much to my surprise she answers it quickly. Though, she doesn't look overly happy to see me.

"Here's your bag, B." I hand it to her and glance up at her face.

"Thanks," she mumbles, but doesn't meet my gaze.

"Um, do want to grab some dinner together, later?" I extend the invitation then realize, for whatever reason, it's not even out of courtesy, it's because I honestly want to spend some time with her.

She shrugs, making me feel lost.

"Come on Bella, I know we haven't connected in years, but it's been nice having someone else with me on this trip. Eating dinner alone is the worst, please join me?" I ask again, hoping to convince her.

"Okay," she acquiesces and sighs.

"All right, I'll see you in a bit," I tell her before going next door and settling into my room.

After a quick shower and change of my clothes, I feel much better. There is a bar in the hotel, offering cheap fair, so I'm interested because I know it will put Bella at ease. I also know that tonight I'll treat Bella again, not because I pity her though, but mainly because I asked her to join me. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

I arrive at Bella's door again, this time I barely have time to knock. She's there, right in front of me. Looking stunning.

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**What did you guys think?**

**B & E having dinner? **

**Maybe making amends? **

**What did you think of the flash back? There will be a few of those through out the story. But the main event will be done in the present. **

**When though... *evil grin***

**See you soon! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to MC for Beta'ing the shit out of this! **

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**LRH-Chapter 4**

**Bella**

I roll out of bed at what has to be the ass crack of dawn, only because I can hear the annoying beeping of an alarm through the wall. Edward's probably doing it on purpose. He must've remembered my aversion to getting up so friggin' early—I'm definitely _not_ a morning person. But either way, I'm up.

I shower and attempt to wake up thoroughly, but it's difficult because the warm water just makes me sleepy. I know there is no time for leaning against the wall while the hot streams flow over my body, but it doesn't stop me from wanting it.

As I wash my hair, my mind drifts to last night when Edward took me to dinner.

_After meeting at my room, we __walk down to the restaurant attached to the lobby__. W__e're quiet__,__ but __surprisingly __it's not uncomfortable. Edward really is a sweet guy and he's being so nice to me, I'm not sure what to make of it all. He pulls out my chair; he was always charming, just as I remember him. _

_We sit for a minute and peruse the menu. The prices are a tad high. I flip to the front, attempting to find a reasonably priced salad or appetizer that will still leave me with money for my dad. _

_I frown when I don't really find anything. _

_Edward's__ hand grazes mine, __startling me and __making my heart stutter. There's heat, a zing, something that makes it all mean so much more than it should__ after all this time__. _

_My eyes __avoid __his__, but I can feel his gaze on my face__. __"Bella, please, let me buy you dinner... I want to."_

_I __finally __look up at him, I know my eyes are watery, and my heart is hammering in my chest._

_How can it still be like this? __Just one touch and I can't think straight._

_I_ _have to look away to gather my thoughts, when he says, "Consider it a Christmas present, it's been a long time since I've been able to give you one." He smiles__.__ God, he is beautiful. I take a deep breath and acquiesce. "Okay, thank you." I __simply __don't have it in me to fight._

_My mind races with all sorts of memories that come flooding back to me __all __at once. I try to shake them away, but it's no use and when I look up__ again,__ his deep, green eyes are still watching me like a hawk. _

_The server comes and we both order__; I __keep it simple__,__ even though he's offered to pay. We eat, chatting __easily __about school. He's on his way to being an electrical engineer. It's a far cry from what he wanted to be four years ago, but I don't comment on that. I tell him that my degree in journalism is almost finished as well. It's the same __career __I had originally wanted. _

_He doesn't seem overly surprised. But still smiles and tells me how good I'll be. He remembers my writing from high school and names off some of the accolades it got me. I don't mention that I'm on the paper at __Northwestern now__. Not wanting to toot my own horn. _

_An hour passes and he's tender__, gentle and I am speechless at the kindness he has bestowed on me tonight__. He holds my hand on the way out of the bar. All the way to my door. It's a real sweet gesture and honestly I'm left wondering exactly what it mean__s__. _

_We stand quietly, neither of us making any move to end the night, but after a few minutes I know it has to come to an end. "Thank you, Edward, dinner was great."_

"_You're very welcome, Bella, __I'll see you in the morning,__ bright and early,__" he __replies__, before letting go of my hand. I can tell it's just as hard for him as it is for me. _

"_Sounds good to me." My smile probably doesn't reach my eyes, but I'm okay with it. It's weird, but my heart wants him to stay. I want him to come inside with me so we can keep talking. Earlier was __difficult__. I couldn't find the words to say to him. But now, it's like the floodgate __has __opened. I want to talk__…really talk__ to him. _

It's unfortunate, though, that we actually got along so well. Because, really, there is no way, no how, we are ever going to be anything more than car buddies. Not after what happened between us. But last night was fun, enough to take my mind off of my dad for an hour or so, and that was good for me.

After drying off and dressing for the day, I do my hair, put on a little lip balm and wait for his knock. I know it will come. He hasn't changed one bit. If he says he's going to do something. He will. That's all there is to it.

Edward stands by his word. He always has; a trait that was passed on to him from his father. And I really respect him for that.

The knock comes, I smile at him. "Morning," he greets with a lopsided grin that makes my heart stutter.

"Good morning," I reply back with the truth. It is a _good_ morning. He's here. And, somehow, that seems to make things better.

We check out and he loads our things into the car, being very gentlemanly, which is sweet. Again, nothing has changed.

Edward climbs into the driver's seat. Our brief fight from yesterday seems to fade away, because I'm all right with riding shotgun today. I don't have to worry about traffic or ice…or snow, because as of this morning, it's now snowing in Cincinnati.

While the fresh flakes look beautiful, they are a sad reminder that we may not make it home tonight. If we have to stay over another night, that will ensure I won't have enough money for Christmas dinner with my dad.

I gulp and close my eyes, trying to keep the emotions at bay.

Edward's driving down the road, attempting to turn on to a highway. One that looks long and coffee-less. That does not seem pleasing to me.

"Hey wait, I need a coffee," I whine.

"What?" he asks looking confused.

"Come on now, Edward, you don't really think I can function this early in the morning without some form of caffeine?"

He shakes his head. "Bella, I need to get on here."

"Well, can't you just turn around? It won't take very long."

He sighs, looking aggravated and very…well…yummy.

"What the hell? You couldn't grab a coffee while you were in your room?" He's beginning to rant as he turns the car around and heads back down the street in search of coffee.

"You seriously think I would drink that crap?"

He rolls his eyes but continues to drive.

We find a quaint little shop without a convenient drive thru.

I look down at my comfy UGGs and attempt to give him the pouty face. I probably look like a fish, but I'm going with it, because there isn't a bone in my body that wants to leave this heated seat.

"Really, B?" He officially looks pissed.

"Please?" I ask, sweetly. "You know how much they cost," I remind him.

He does know very well how much these damn boots cost. Mainly, because he bought me my first pair a long, long time ago. Sure, the ones adorning my feet aren't the same, but that doesn't mean they've gotten any more reasonable.

"What do you want?" he grumbles after a moment.

"A medium iced mocha swirl, extra cream and extra sugar," I reply proudly.

He makes a face before leaving the car.

While he's gone, I fixate on my seventeenth birthday. The very one when I received the UGG boots from Edward.

_**September 13**__**th**__** 2007 - Bella's seventeenth birthday**_

"_Here you go," he whispers once we're alone. _

"_But wait, you already gave me an iTunes gift card," I murmur. _

"_Yeah, but you wanted these,__ so happy birthday.__" __H__e push__es__ the box on to my lap. _

_I smile before peeling back the paper. I gasp, not knowing what to say. That familiar box, the __UGG __logo, everything told me I just got what I wanted. _

"_Jesus, thank you," I choke out, swinging my arms around his neck. _

"_You're welcome__,__ baby__.__" __He hugs me tight then kisses __me tenderly. _

_My father had refused to buy them because he thought boots should be useful, not useless. _

"_But how?" I ask, pulling back. _

"_I worked a few extra shifts at the freight yard, nothing I couldn't handle," he __tells me__, before closing the gap between us again. _

_His breath is hot on my neck and I moan as he begins to lay hot, wet kisses__ all the way down to between my breasts__. _

_It's not long before I want more. _

_And Edward does too. His hands rove my body while I tug at his hair. _

_T__o__night, he loves me in a way I ha__ve__ never been loved before. _

Edward knocks on the window, pulling me from my reverie. I guess I had absentmindedly locked the doors. I notice that he got something for himself as well. I attempt to hand him some cash, but he waves me off.

"Edward," I mutter once I've got my drink in hand.

"What?"

"I'm not a charity case." I keep my eyes focused on my coffee but when he says nothing I look up at him.

"I know, Bella," he whispers, gazing deeply into my eyes, so much so that my breath gets caught in my throat.

*LRH*

Once we're on the road we manage to chat amicably about life. Stupid little things. Nothing horribly big, which, I have to admit, is a relief. I like that we're not talking about anything important.

I flip through the music again, just as I did yesterday. This time, though, I'm trying to stay away from songs that have some sort of history between us. I still remember most of them. Especially the ones that we…we did stuff to.

Edward and I are cut from the same cloth. We're from a small town and we started dating when we were young. High school sweethearts, some would say. And for a lot of things, we were each other's firsts—kiss, love, sex, all of it. We shared so much. But I grew up with my dad and discussing that stuff was frowned upon. We didn't share. Even to this day, it's hard to talk about it. Residual embarrassment about anything physical clung to me over the years, including through college. I think Edward is the only one I ever really had candid conversations with. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if—

"How's your dad?" he asks, interrupting my musing and I settle into my seat.

My back tenses and I automatically frown. I thought we weren't going to talk about anything that matters.

_So much for that…_

I clear my throat. "He's okay."

"Yeah?" he questions, clearly not believing me, and I can sense that he wants to know more.

I decide to tell him, feeling like I owe him that much for the ride home.

"Well, about a year ago he was diagnosed with mouth cancer. The cigarettes, you know? And he's been getting aggressive treatment, which seems promising, but it's not cheap."

He nods, seemingly understanding just what I'm saying.

"So, um, he's all right?"

"For the most part, yeah. He just has some trouble with being weak now. The treatments will do that to you. So he hasn't been able to work. And he's too stubborn to let Jasper run the boat alone."

Edward shakes his head with a slight chuckle.

I'm sure then that he remembers Jasper, our stoner classmate. He's cleaned up some since high school, but I can understand my father's apprehension to letting him run the business.

"I can't believe Jas is still working for your father," he says, smiling.

"I know right," I chuckle.

"Wow, who else is still back in Hampden?" he wonders.

I'm not anymore sure than he is, well other than Alice that is. She's still there, still chasing Jasper. It's useless though, that much I'm sure of.

"Just Alice that I know of."

"Hmm. I thought more of our class was back there, but everyone must've tried to get out when school was over."

"Can you blame them?"

I mean really, it's a pretty small town, there aren't many opportunities there and it's hard to be successful. So to get what you want out of life, you have to step out of your comfort zone.

"No," he whispered.

*LRH*

"You're gonna what?" I ask, clearly not hearing correctly.

"I said I'm going to dress up as Santa for my niece and nephews."

"Wait a sec, your sister has kids?"

He nods. "Yep. One beautiful little girl and two terrors of little boys."

"Holy shit," I breathe. "When did that happen?"

"A lot happens in four years, Bella," he murmurs, eyes never leaving the front window.

And with that I close my mouth. I knew we were eventually going to get to that, but there is no way I am discussing it with him. Not now, not after all this time. What the hell would be the point? He wouldn't hear me out then, so he certainly doesn't deserve answers now.

*LRH*

The snow's really coming down now. It looks as though the storm that we had brewing back in Illinois, before we left Northwestern, is following us, because now the visibility is drifting low and the wind has picked up.

"Fuck," Edward mutters, as he grips the wheel. "Hang on." I feel the wheels slip beneath the tires; the tail end of the car starts to kick out sideways.

"Oh my God," I shriek as I white knuckle the armrest.

He regains control of the car and safely pulls to the side of the road to calm down. I breathe out a rush of air too. There is no denying that it was scary.

"I think we're going to need to stay over," he tells me softly.

I can't help but cringe. There's not enough money in my wallet to cover another night in a hotel room and dinner with my dad.

"Are you sure?" I ask pathetically.

He looks around, before glaring back at me. "Bella, we just almost died. We're stopping here tonight. The first hotel I find, we're staying at. End of fucking discussion."

His words are final as he very cautiously pulls out into the road again.

It's not more than ten minutes when we're in the parking lot of a hotel. One that looks particularly expensive. I take my time and change into my winter boots, hoping that maybe if I take long enough the weather will break. One look out the window tells me that nothing of the sort happened. My chest tightens, but I suck it up and wrap my coat tightly around me before trudging through the snow and into the building.

Edward's already at the counter, arguing with the clerk when I reach him.

"That's all you've got?" he questions, looking annoyed.

"Yes sir, one room. But it's a queen-sized room, rather large, so you and your lady friend should be fine."

Edward turns to see me standing by his side now. I frown up at him, but he shakes his head and sighs.

"Fine, okay, I guess we have no choice," he growls. "We'll take it."

And with that he whips out a card and pays for the room before marching down the hall to lucky number thirteen.

I follow behind him, because once we're inside, I know we're going to need to have a serious talk.

I think the storm may have just moved inside.

* * *

**Oh gee... What do you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you MC for beta'ing this bad boy for me! **

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Edward**

I'm pissed, annoyed, put out, whatever the fuck you want to call it. And all I want to do is fall into a dreamless sleep, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon. I can just tell by the stomps of the feet following me that peace will not be on the menu this evening. I shake my head but continue on because at this very moment, there is no other choice.

"What the hell, Edward?" she asks after the room door slams shut behind us.

I ignore her and shuffle further into the room. It's nice. Really nice, actually. Not a hotel I would normally stay at, but since we're in need of a room and it's available at a reasonable price, I am happy. At least it isn't a dump.

The dark wood furniture is gorgeous and the bed, all white and fluffy looks luxurious.

"Edward?" she questions again a little louder. To which I lose it.

"What?" I bite back in a deep menacing voice. I want to rein myself in, but four years of pent up anger starts to bubble up and spittle out of me.

"You can't drive us down the road to a Motel 6 or something?" This time her voice is a bit quieter.

"Why Bella? Because there _might_ be more than one vacancy? Hmm?"

My sarcasm is clear as day and the look on her face tells me that she gets it just fine.

"You don't see the issue here, do you?"

Her voice rises and I can tell we're about to have a blowout. It's happened before; it'll happen again, no doubt.

"We're in Utica, we'll stay here tonight and we'll get an early start in the morning. Don't worry, by tomorrow we'll be home in Maine and you'll be rid of me."

I know she's worried about making it home to see her dad, but she should be at least grateful about the fact that I'm giving her a ride. Not to mention paying for everything along the way. Although, I'm sure she has had her fill of me already. I mean, after four years of no contact, it must be a fucking feat to be tolerating me. I roll my eyes at myself.

"Whoa, that's not really the problem," she sneers. "The _problem_ is that there is only one bed here, and I am _not_ sharing one with you."

I'm taken aback. I guess I didn't really think of that, but really, it should be more my problem not hers. But either way, her tone, her attitude, it all surprises and upsets me.

"It's not like it would be the first time," I quip, quickly.

She huffs and lets out a little scream of frustration before stomping off into the bathroom.

I can't help but grin. She is adorable and I'm happy that I got my way. Once I hear the shower run, I decide I should probably go get our bags. It wouldn't hurt, I suppose.

When I'm finished and cold, I strip down, slipping into some sweatpants and a fresh t-shirt before crawling into bed.

I flick through the channels trying to find something to interest me, but all that really does grab my attention is on the other side of the wall, wet and naked.

My body reacts to the thoughts of Bella wet and flushed in the shower, and even though I try to will it away, my cock refuses to sleep.

So I decide to redirect my thoughts, and order us some dinner.

*RR*

The knock on the door tells me the food has arrived. I get up, retrieve it and tip the guy. It smells delicious and reminds me that we haven't eaten since breakfast. Probably the reason for my unsavory behavior. Yeah right, I scoff.

Just minutes later, after I get the food set up at our nice, little table, Bella walks out looking unbelievable. She's wearing a long shirt, and her face is flushed, her hair is damp, but most of all, her creamy legs are on display, and I'm either in the sweetest heaven or the worst hell. I can't decide.

_Annnd my boner's back… _Not good in these sweatpants. She's totally going to be able to see it.

"You got us food," she comments, shyly. It's cute and I can tell that she's embarrassed about earlier.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't wait for you to order, I just thought you'd be hungry."

"That's okay," she says softly. "Thank you."

She takes the chair opposite me. I'm happy, because even though we fought earlier I want her sitting there. I want her close. It's so strange, and I'm not sure why, but I'm also looking forward to sharing a bed with her tonight. As long as it isn't too weird.

"So, tomorrow should be it, right?" she inquires after taking a bite of her burger.

I shrug. "Should be, but you know I can't control the weather."

"I know. Thank you for doing your best," she murmurs, eating a fry.

I glance up at her and smile, because for as much of an acknowledgement of appreciation as that was, I'll take it, because I really am a lover not a fighter.

We finish our food in silence. Some might say that it's uncomfortable, but it isn't, it's relaxing and feels natural. Just being with her like this.

After dinner Bella escapes into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

I sprawl out on the bed and wait for her to come out. She doesn't take too long. Before I know it, she's there on the other side of the bed, snuggling under the covers. I desperately want to wrap an arm around her, but I don't. Not wanting to scare her off. I know it'll happen if I do.

I flip the channel to something boring, wanting to drift off to sleep. She wants to get started early tomorrow morning and I want to be ready for that.

But as I'm getting comfortable she changes the channel. Choosing _It's __a__ Wonderful Life_. The grainy movie plays out and I sit there, shaking my head. Nothing has changed about her.

"What?" she questions with a small smile.

"Nothing, nothing at all," I reply, shaking my head.

She huffs, but doesn't say anything to me. Focusing her attention in on the TV.

We roll away from each other. Me trying to block out the TV and her trying to watch it.

I guess it's better that our backs are to one another. That way nothing bad can really happen, right?

I fall asleep soon enough.

Dreams stream through my head as I lay there. Some good, some that I don't remember, and one _really _fantastic one.

One that I haven't had in a very long time.

_My hand fe__els__ the roundness of Bella's hips, __and I __pull her in close and gr__i__nd my sizable erection into her backside. I want her__, God, how I fucking want her,__ and this __i__s what I d__o __when I want to make that clear. _

_She moan__s__ out sweet sounds, only making me harder and wanting her more. _

_I roll my hips, looking for her warmth. I push at the same time pulling her __even __closer, wanting to be buried __balls __deep within her. _

_She's an orchestra of sounds now and I rock my hips, letting her know that I like it. __That I love it and that I crave her heat, her warmth, her everything._

My eyes blink open, realizing how good my dream has gotten and how hard my cock is throbbing, and then I realize that right there in my hands are her hips. She's got her ass pressed right up against me.

_Fuck!_

It wriggles in even closer to me, clearly feeling the effect she's had on me. And with that she moans again. It's a beautiful noise, something to be treasured. Something I haven't heard in years, except in my dreams and memories.

"Bella," I whisper, wondering if she's on the cusp of consciousness too.

But she's quiet. Not one peep.

I cringe and reluctantly take my hands off of her luscious bottom. Of course, my mind fills with memories from when I used to be able to grab that ass whenever I wanted.

_**February 14**__**th**__** 2008**_

_We're cuddled close on the couch, celebrating Valentine's Day with my parents, __yes, it's __as awkward as __i__t sounds, __quite a weird experience__. _

_We've just gotten back from a romantic little bistro that my mother insisted we join __them__ at. _

_My father was all over __her __during dinner and I could barely keep my __food__ down. _

_Bella's been a good sport__,__ though. She's been sweet, loving and looks so fucking hot. _

_She's wearing a tight, black skirt and bright, red sweater. It's simple, but so sexy. I let my hands slide down her hips whenever I can. Whenever they aren't looking__, I cop a lush feel__. _

_Her ass is round and firm. Right there and all I want to do is squeeze and touch it. __And I know soon, when my parents retire for the night, I'll be squeezing it even more as I love her from behind._

I try to shake off the feelings that seem to be consuming me, the memories that are haunting me, and roll over feeling disgusted with myself.

What the hell is wrong with me, that I still crave her like this?

I can't believe I just groped Bella in her peaceful sleep… I'm such a sleazebag.

* * *

**Hello all! **

**Here's another chapter in this little ditty of a story, sorry for not finishing up on time, but as many of you know I had a medical emergency and required surgery as well as hospitalization for a while. **

**But I'm trying to get back at it. I'll try to get back on track with this one, but I'm warning you, I get tired a lot. And when that happens I don't have a lot time to write. **

**Let me know what you think! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to MC for this one! She's amazing!**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Bella**

I can't even stay away from him for a few blasted hours in a bed together.

I was really pissed about sharing at first, but after a hot shower, my mind is calm and I'm okay with it. Besides, there is a feast waiting for me when I come out and my stomach grumbles happily.

I'm awake most of the night, between dreams. He stars in many of them. But it's when his hands grab me that I really wake up. But I'm such a pussy that I can't even answer him after I moan like a whore. He's sweet, though, and doesn't press me for a response. Instead, he rolls to his other side, away from me. Making me miss his warmth, heat and gentle touch.

I frown into the covers and try to keep the tears at bay. He's been so great. He doesn't deserve me being an asshole to him. He doesn't deserve my overall attitude, but it's hard, so hard to keep it together. Our history doesn't help, and makes it difficult to forget… But mainly, because, all I can think about is my dad. That, and if I lose him, how alone I'll be when he's gone. I will literally have no one.

*RR*

My eyes blink open and I scan the side of the room. It slowly starts to come back to me why I'm in a hotel room. And then I have every urge to hurry around and get ready. I want to see my dad.

I scrub my face and sit up in bed. I'm alone. Which for once is good because if Edward was sitting there with a delicious smirk or worse, a cute smile, I might lose it.

I attempt to get my head together, trying to rationalize that the only reason these feelings are present is because he is here with me. If he weren't, I wouldn't feel this way.

_Right?_

I sigh and decide to get dressed. Wherever Edward has gone, probably won't be for long. So I need to get my ass in gear so we can get out on the road.

I pull out some clothes and head for the bathroom. While I'm in there, I hear the front door open and Edward's gruff voice call out for me.

"Bella?" I hear again.

It's still thick from sleep and the morning. It sounds so good and makes me want to do very bad things to him just to hear his voice like that again. But before I open the bathroom door, I rein myself in. Something I've found myself having to do a lot of since he's been around.

"In here," I say.

"Oh good; I got you a coffee," he shouts through the door.

"Thank you," I tell him, still on the other side of the door, feeling more and more like a coward.

I think, to myself, that if I go out there, it's going to make my heart hurt. I don't know why and I can't really explain any of it. But I know that I felt empty waking up to a cold bed this morning.

I finally walk out, thinking that functioning with caffeine will be so much easier than functioning without it. But when I'm out there in the room, I see Edward lying on the bed instead of hurriedly packing our bags like I imagined, and my heart stops.

My coffee is sitting on our table, his is on the nightstand. And I'm confused.

"Were you waiting for me?" I ask, garnering his attention.

"Nope," he replies, turning his eyes back to the screen on the wall.

"Edward, what's going on? You told me last night that we would be in Maine today."

"Yeah, and we would if the roads weren't closed," he murmured, not looking at me.

"What?"

"I said, the roads are closed, Bella. There's no way that we'll be going home today."

"No way," I mutter to myself and head out the door. "No, no, it can't be."

I have to see this for myself. There is no way that they've closed _all_ the roads; there must be a way home. I need this trip to be over. I need to see my father. It just has to happen.

I step out into the very chilled parking lot. There are icicles hanging off the trees, mountains of snow strewn all over the sides of the road, and then I spot the downed trees. Yep, complete with power lines.

"So we're stuck here," I say quietly, once I'm back in the room.

He grimaces, but nods.

"This can't get much worse. God, what a great Christmas break this is turning out to be."

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. I thought the coffee would soften the blow," he tells me, still avoiding my gaze.

"Edward, as much as I love my daily dose of caffeine, there isn't much that can make this better. Especially, when my father is in Maine, alone, and I'm stuck here in Utica, New York."

I'm trying not to sound like a whiny bitch, but I am so ready to be home. Yes, Edward was very nice to drive me this far and I completely owe him for his generosity.

"Is there anything I can do for you, B?" he asks, sitting up, and is that concern written all over his face?

I purse my lips before shaking my head, not saying a word for fear I might let the tears fall that are burning behind my eyes. He can't clear the roads and it's not his fault. But my heart is breaking, for me, for my dad, for all the loss I can't seem to stop thinking about.

I grab my phone, wanting to at least call my dad and talk to him if I'm not going to be able to see him. I just need to hear his voice.

I cower in the corner, not wanting to disturb Edward's movie watching.

"Hello," the scratchy voice on the other end says.

"Hey Daddy," I say, sounding so relieved to have gotten hold of him.

"Baby, how's school?"

I clear my throat, trying to push back my emotion. "Classes were challenging, but I did well. It's good, Dad, cold, but good."

I don't want to ruin the surprise, especially since I was going to be his present. It's just going to take another day or two to get there.

"I heard you guys got hit by a real dumper."

"Yep, tons of snow and ice. It sucks, but I'm just glad I don't have classes I have to walk to."

He chuckles. "Well, you stay in where it's warm, baby."

"Will do Pops." I clear my throat. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, Bells, don't worry, I'm doing good."

"Okay, well, I'll let you go 'cause I know you need to rest, but take care."

"I love ya, kid," he tells me, making my throat feel like it's going to close up.

"I love you, too."

It's a short call, but it makes me feel better. He's up and watching the news at the very least and I know that he's okay for the moment, so I can worry a little less, which makes me rest a little easier.

I set my phone on the table and notice that Edward is staring at me knowingly.

"Wanna watch a movie then get something to eat?" he asks after a beat.

"Sure," I murmur, crossing the room and crawling on to the bed. I take my same spot as last night, but he scoots closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I pretend not to notice, but in all honestly his touch is soothing.

He doesn't say anything. But he does run a hand over my head and then rests it on my shoulder.

We sit here for the next hour and stare blankly at the screen.

*LRH*

**Edward**

I want to fuck her over that tiny table that's in here. I want to bury myself so deep inside her that she sees stars. But I can't. Not only is she going through a bunch of shit at the moment, I'm not into one night stands. I never have been and now is not the time to start…especially with Bella. She's my ex, so I could justify it, I guess, but I like a relationship to follow some nice sex.

And Bella doesn't give me all that much of a feeling that she's changed. She's still closed off and says little. And, I can't go through that shit again.

She fucked up. She ended us. And without change, I don't even see how we can be friends, let alone anything more than that, but for some strange reason I still feel the need to comfort her.

Cuddling with her feels good. She smells delicious, but other than being a warm body next to me, I can't act on anything. Not now, not when I don't see any sign of change.

We watch a movie together, and then I venture out into the lounge to get us some breakfast. It's free, but it's still good.

Bella ends up devouring it, making me feel guilty for watching a movie first. It's clear that I still care about her, but only in the human taking care of another human way.

_Nothing more, right?_

We watch more movies throughout the day before ordering some room service for lunch. I take a shower, wanting to be alone for a few minutes. It's not that she's annoying or that I'm even sick of her. I just can't get her off my mind. And that kind of scares me. Every time she does anything, it brings back memories that had been left for dead. Ones that I'm not willing to let resurface right now.

When I step out she's snoring softly on the comforter. She's peaceful and I like it. Her mind has finally let go. I know she's been troubled, that she has it rough. But she doesn't want to talk about it. It's like everything all over again.

_**June 6**__**th**__** 2008 - Graduation Night**_

_My name is called and I slowly stand and make my way to the front of the stage. This really isn't a big deal to me. It's just high school after all. But I still feel the wide shit-eating grin spread across my face. I'm happy. Happy that I don't ever have to deal with Mrs. McCormack and her snarky attitude about psychology. _

_I search __out _her _eyes in the sea of other students all clad in the same black robes. _

_And when I find them, I lock on __to __them. __They center me._

_Those deep brown beauties that I enjoy staring down in to, make me melt. _

_I do that motion where you except the diploma with your left and shake the __P__rincipal's hand with your right. _

_After that__:__ shouts, cheers, and clapping fill the auditorium. _

_She smiles, looking proud. I'm not really sure why, because there was never any doubt about me graduating, but it's still nice to know she's got her eyes on me. _

_The rest of the class is called. _

_And then finally her__;__ being a Swan puts her close to the end. _

_She's graceful and delicate, sporting heels tonight. I can see her slender ankles poking out of the bottom of her robe. It makes me anxious for later. _

_Her smile is broad when she collects her diploma, and just like I did, she takes her time and finds me in the crowd._

_I give her a big grin, dying to hold her in my arms. _

_After the ceremony is over I make my way over to her. She wraps her arms around me and I lay a kiss on those soft, sweet lips. I don't want to move once I've got her there, but I know we need to find her dad and my family. We have plans to celebrate with them__,__ and then privately afterwards. _

_Dinner with our family is nice. We enjoy the low key-ness of it. And Bella and I take the time to announce that we're headed to Northwestern together in the fall. _

_Our dads are stoked. _

_Mom brings out a cake and we all eat until we're stuffed._

_Bella rides home with her dad. I know what the plan is. He's gotta work at midnight, so I'm supposed to come over then. _

_I ride home with my family, trying to be a good sport. I love them and all, but my heart is fifteen minutes away, over the bridge. _

_I crash on the couch watching movies with my sister. She's awesome. Even though she's older, Rose still hangs out with me every once in a while. _

_And when midnight rolls around she doesn't say a damn word when I get up to leave. _

_She's cool like that. _

_I hop in my car and travel the fifteen minutes. __But when I park in front of Bella's house, her truck isn't there, and when I reach the front door, __instead __of expecting it to be flung open by an excited Bella, __there is a small note taped to it. _

_The note __i__s short, sweet, and very much to the point. _

**At Jacob's.**** Wait for me. **** I'll call you soon ****if I can't make it home****. Something came up. **

_I want to be pissed__ that she didn't call me__. But I rein myself in because I love Bella. I love her so much. __And I trust her. __So I __know__ that she __must've __needed__to help her friend __right away. I know Jake is special to her, they've been friends since they were little kids, and she's said many time before that he's like a brother to her. But I've always wondered about his intentions, 'cause I've caught him ogling her a few times._

_After waiting for almost an hour with no word from Bella, __I head home, crawl into bed and wait for Bella's call. But it doesn't come. _

_Instead, I wake up to several text messages from friends that went out partying last night. __Bella and I had opted to spend the night together instead of going to a party. Boy did I get fooled._

**Saw Bella and Jake hooking up last night****-she was in his arms! ****-Jasper**

**Man-that blows-ur chick went upstairs with Jake****, sorry dude****. -Paul**

**Saw ****B & J ****getting pretty cozy ****last night****-they left together…where the hell were you?! ****-Alice**

_So many texts, all telling me the same thing. Bella and Jake had been a lot more than friends last night. _

_I am so confused and my head is spinning. I don't understand at all. How could she do this to me?_

_But __I decide right then and there. I __am__ done. __Done with her not telling me things. __I'__m __leaving for my graduation present, a European __family __vacation, in two days. My parents had surprised me with an extra airline ticket, to bring Bella. But now, I __am__ going by myself and plan to tell them to cash it in. _

_I can't believe Bella would do this, but after all the texts, and the fact that I haven't heard a word from her, I get out my suitcase and start packing._

As I stand here and look at her, all these feelings coming back, these painful memories flooding my head, I realize that enough time has passed that I need some closure.

It's about time we finally talked this shit out, and I got to the bottom of this mess.

After four years, I deserve some answers.

* * *

**Well there is Edward's side of things... **

**Next up...Edward goes after some answers. **

**What'd you think?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to the ever fabulous MC for beta'ing this... holding my hand... and loving me! **

* * *

**LRH-Chapter 7**

**Bella**

I wake up feeling rested and warm. It's nice. It's the first time in a long time that either of those things has happened. My dorm is so drafty that my feet usually end up feeling like popsicles in the morning. And it's been so long since I've really slept soundly and awakened feeling rested, it's truly wonderful.

The thick, soft blankets are cocooned around me, it's comforting, almost reassuring.

A smile crosses my face and I scoot around in the mattress so I'm sitting up. The soft bed allows me to sink in once I get into a comfortable position. It's like a pillow from heaven, so good I never want to leave. But I know the reality of everything will seep into the situation. It always does.

My face falters though, when I begin to look around.

_Am I alone? Where is he?_

My head is on a swivel. And then I find him. In the corner.

Edward's sitting over at the table, staring out the window, and he doesn't looked pleased.

It looks as though the snow has tapered off, so I'm not really sure why he's put out.

_Maybe I took up all the bed space?_

"Sorry, I was just really tired," I say quietly to get his attention, feeling a sudden heat rise in my cheeks.

He shrugs and turns toward me. I frown because he's not talking to me. That's not good. I quickly look around, wondering what might've pissed him off and I can't find anything. I'm literally grasping at imaginary straws. This is the last thing I want to happen. I never want to upset him again; I still ache from four years ago. He's been so good to me lately; I don't want to burst that bubble.

And I would be lying if I said his presence hasn't eased the pain I've felt from my father's illness.

"Was I taking up the whole bed?" I ask, sheepishly.

_Jesus, I hope I didn't have a dirty dream and moan out his name…__especially__ when I still __have__ to share a bed with him. _

"No, Bella. You weren't taking up the whole bed," he replies curtly.

I'm a little surprised at his tone, but I take a deep breath and smile because I don't want to fight with him. There are a lot worse cards I could've been dealt—like still being stuck back in Evanston for the holidays. But at least I will be home soon. I hope. And I'm sure I can fix whatever I did to upset Edward. I just need a few minutes to get my bearings.

But as I go to get off the bed, I am stopped by his abrupt voice.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks after a moment, and I can sense an unease rolling off of him.

"Yes, thanks, it felt good to finally get some real rest."

He nods, and then stares off for another beat.

"Bella, I have a question I have to ask you," he states, _bitterly?_

"Yeeaah?" I draw out my response; my voice expressing the surprise at his sudden change in demeanor.

"Have you talked to Jake over the years?"

It was such a weird question, completely out of the blue, one that really threw me since we hadn't even touched on our past. I couldn't understand why he was inquiring about him, and bringing this up now.

"Yeah, of course," I answer honestly. "Jake and I have always kept in touch, Edward."

He murmurs something, but I don't quite catch it. Either way it must not matter all that much, so I keep moving. I need to pee and then I plan to search for some food.

"And how's old Jakey boy doing?" he asks as I enter the bathroom.

My eyebrows scrunch together while I'm alone. I'm trying to figure out where this is going, 'cause I have a bad feeling, so I wait to answer him with 'good' once I've finished and am standing at the bathroom door.

"Yeah? That's fucking wonderful. So what's he up to nowadays?"

I'm a little put out with his attitude and I'm not really sure what he's getting at, but either way, it's irking me something wicked. It's been four fucking years, and he was the one who wouldn't talk to me when all that shit went down. Not a text, not a phone call, nothing.

"He went to SMCC, you know, it's in South Portland and took Marine Biology and Oceanography. He's working at the marina in Portland. He's always had a love for marine life and loves his job."

He nods, huffing out a breath, and says, "Of course you'd know," so low I barely hear it. He looks annoyed and I can't figure out why. I know Edward was never a big fan of Jake's but it's not like Jake has done better than him. Edward's going to one of the most prestigious schools in the country. It's nothing to scoff at. He needs to get over himself.

"What's the matter, Edward? What is up with your sudden interest in Jake?" I question, finally at the end of my rope.

"Oh, nothing really, I was just wondering if he was worth it?" He looks out the window again, but I can see the tension in his clenched jaw. His muscles flex under the subtle light in the room.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snap, taking my attention off of his jaw.

"Just that when you cheated on me with him on the night of graduation, was it worth it?" he sneers, then whips his head around to look at me; his eyes full of emotion.

I scowl, feeling my good mood drain out of me. There's no use trying to mask the anger and hurt on my face when he's obviously ready to have this shit out. But really, this is _bullshit _and there's no other word for it. If he wouldn't have fucking taken off to Europe and ignored all my attempts to talk to him, he'd know this already.

I roll my eyes and clench my fists, making sure he sees it all clearly. "If you call comforting a friend who felt like their world was blowing up in front of their face, and then accidentally staying the night with him, cheating, then yeah, sure… Fuck it, I cheated!"

We hadn't even had a chance to broach this topic but I agree, it was fucking time. He'd left. There was no contact. Nothing. He didn't answer my calls, texts, or emails. I even tried going to his house, but Rose said he wasn't home and not to come back if I knew what was good for me.

After he left for Europe, there was nothing. I even lost some of my friends, who all betrayed me by thinking I would cheat on Edward, and telling him so. Oh yes, I found out all of this, after Edward left, from Alice…my supposed best friend.

Now that I think back, I don't even know how I made it through half the summer… I worked for Dad, went home, and spent time with Jake and our Res friends. And even when I moved to school early, I was devastated, but I didn't see him or anyone from home. Though I did see his family, all of whom decided to pretend I didn't exist.

"Bella, let's be adults here. We both know what happened that night, so there's no need to act like it didn't. You don't have to sugar coat it for me after all these years, just tell me the fucking truth."

I raise a single left eyebrow in challenge and give him the death glare. Cleary he's mistaken, because I know full well just exactly what happened _that_ night and it was nothing more than him running off with my heart.

"Come on now."

"Come on now?" I ask, letting my anger bubble up. "Really? You really think I fucked Jake on the night of our graduation. Not to mention that it was just hours after I'd kissed, hugged and told _you_ I loved you. That makes perfect sense. You really and truly thought that little of me?"

"I didn't think that little of you B, it's just that when all of our friends are telling me the same thing, it's hard not to believe. Especially when there is photographic evidence to back all that shit up."

"I call bullshit on the photos and besides that, maybe you should've come to me," I bite out and make my way toward the bed. "Maybe you should have let me try to explain! But no. You left for Europe and—" There is now a lump so big in my throat I can't say any more. There are hot tears running down my face. I wipe furiously at them, wishing I could stop them. I don't want him to see them. I don't want him to have any clue of the hurt and anger I went through all those years ago.

"And what good would've that done?" he barks, making my heart crack in half again. I guess I'm not completely over him, like I thought I was. My mind swirls with confusion and it's then I realize that I still love him and I am _so tired_ of all the years of not being able to explain.

"If you had come to me, like a normal person, you would've known the truth, which is that _nothing _happened. I would've never done that to you. I loved you, Edward; I gave you all of _me_." I take a deep breath and continue, "He needed me, Jake's mom left them the day before and he was devastated. Seth called me from the party while I was waiting for you. He said Jacob was drunk, crying, so I went to get him. I was trying to comfort him and make him see that it would be okay without her, since you know, I have a little experience in that area," I tell him as the bitterness forces its way into my voice.

"But I got texts, Bella, saying you went upstairs with him, left with him. You never even fucking called me!"

I watch as he strides across the room to the bed. He's there in a flash. He's right there, glaring down at me, fists clenched tightly at his sides. I try to get up. To escape his gaze.

"That bastard was always trying to steal you out from underneath me," he grits out, clenching his jaw.

"No he wasn't, Edward, he was my best friend; like a brother. I didn't love him like that and he knew it. My heart was taken."

Our eyes meet and I can see the rage burning inside them. It's an intense heat that will ignite me too, if I let it. We always had a fire between us…one that did get out of control from time to time.

He pushes me back on to the bed. I land unceremoniously on my ass. I reach up and grab a pillow to throw at him. If he wants a fight, he's got one. Years of anger make my head pound and give me a huge surge of adrenalin. And just as I launch it, his hand comes down and grabs my arm. He falters and lands on the bed, over top of me.

We're both panting heavily, staring deep into each other's eyes. I can't run from my feelings now. There's no hiding, except to close my watery eyes; I can't even move. He's still right there. And there's nothing I can do about it. So many things swim through my brain. So many things I want to do. Kiss him, knee him in the balls, scream, lick his jaw, hug him, hump him, all of which combine into some kind of weird mushy feeling inside me. I open my eyes only to find him still staring at me. His lips lift infinitesimally and shreds of hope appear. But I know in my heart, I'm not making a move until he does because there is no way tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up feeling like a hussy for throwing myself at him.

His head moves a tiny bit, to close the distance between us, and I move to meet him in the middle. Our lips just a fraction of an inch apart. His warm breath engulfs me in his flavor and it's like a spark to gas. The smallest touch ignites a flame that can't be controlled.

Our lips touch. It's unclear who made the final move. It very well could've been me. Hell, it could've been him, but at the moment, neither of us cares because we're kissing, like the world is about to end.

_Oh wait, it is…_

I laugh to myself and try not to break whatever bubble that has formed around us. I need him. It's weird, but over the past year, I've gotten a lot of bad news and this is the first thing that feels even remotely right.

His tongue slides along the part in my lips and I smile into his kiss before granting him entry. Once inside he doesn't hold back. He takes everything he wants, leaving me panting and swallowing the moans that I can't tamp down within me.

I grip his back, trying to get closer to him. He slips his hands underneath me, cradling me to him, and finally without being naked we are as close as we can get. Yes, this was everything I'd been craving. I close my eyes as the tears finally slip down my cheeks at the relief I feel. There is no way this is all one-sided. There's no way it can be. This feeling is too strong, too powerful to be all on me.

The nerves are like a live wire between us. I want this and clearly he does too. But I don't know how we got to this point... We were fighting about things from long ago. Things we cannot change. Mistakes we both made… And now, we're kissing like our lives depend on it. How does that happen?

Either way, I can't explain it. But the need is evident. Crystal clear. His lips lower back down to mine and he breathes my name as his hands begin to roam my body. For a moment I just enjoy his kiss, shutting my brain off. Loving the feeling of our tongues swirling together.

His hands brush over my sensitive nipples making my back arch into him. I can't stop my reaction, it all feels so good. Memory responses come flooding back, like it was yesterday that we were holed up in his room after school.

"Oh fuck," he groans into my mouth as he cups and squeezes my mounds of flesh. "Bella, I—"

I can't stop my own moan, his hands feel too good.

I quickly reach for the hem of his t-shirt and pull it over his head.

I'm overcome with so many emotions as I see him without a shirt. It's been _so_ long. His boyish figure is now all man. Toned abs and a happy trail are where soft skin used to be. And wouldn't you know it; he catches me staring and offers me a quick smirk.

It dissolves just as fast as it came, but I'm still uneasy.

Even with the adrenaline from earlier still coursing through my veins, self-consciousness creeps in. I'm not huge, but I kept the freshman fifteen and maybe a couple more with me over the last four years. Just like him, I don't look like I did the last time we were together and I'm not sure if I'll still be what he wants.

But the way his eyes rake over my chest as he pulls my shirt off, helps lessen my uncertainty. It makes me feel stronger, better about everything. My nerves disappear.

Our clothes are gone in no time. There's panting and kissing. I'm lost in a sea of passion and his taste. It's just as I remembered it. Tangy and sweet, so fucking good.

He grunts and he pushes me back and up on to the bed, before pulling back, just long enough to reach for his jeans.

A single foil packet appears next to my thigh.

I can't even let my mind question why he has a condom. There isn't time. Because before I can even wet my lips to talk, he's ripping it open and quickly rolling it down his thick, stiff cock.

My breath whooshes out as my heart picks up pace.

_We're doing this… __B__ut should we be doing this?_

His hands slide over every curve and contour of my body while he slides into position. My mind is still spinning, but when he starts kissing me again, it shuts off.

And then my eyes close as he pushes into me, it's not soft or tender. It's got an edge of roughness to it. He makes sure he's fully seated to the hilt before pulling out and then pushing in again. Each time he takes my breath away.

My body isn't even done comfortably stretching to fit him, but he's not slowing down. There's pleasure tingling behind his presence and I'm moaning before I know it.

The kisses get sloppy and he begins to grunt with the effort he fucks me. As much as I'd like to say we are making love, I somehow know that's not what this is…about.

My skin prickles and my hairs begin to stand on end. "Edward—" I want to say more, but can't seem to form the right words. But in the back of my mind I sense that this isn't right…on so many levels.

I feel the coil twisting and turning in the pit of my stomach. I know what's coming and I'm looking forward to it regardless of the turmoil between my heart and mind right now.

Suddenly, he speeds up, pressing deeper with each thrust. He never acknowledges my plea, but he looks deep into my eyes…telling me he's feeling the same things I am.

His hand then slips between us and his long finger begins to swirl in my juices.

I cry out as my back arches and white spots cloud my eyelids.

His thrusts become erratic and his groans are deep, reverberating through my whole body. His warmth fills me. He holds himself over me, panting and sweaty. His damp hair hangs limply in his face, which is now flushed.

His pink cheeks only seem to add to the intense color of his eyes. And my heart soars at the sight of him. It brings back so many memories. So many that tears sting, threatening to spill over again and ruin this utterly perfect moment.

Instead, I reach up and push a few awry locks away from his forehead. Then, I lightly kiss his soft, pouty lips. He kisses me back before pulling away and cleaning up.

I don't know what to think about all we did and said, but I know that for the moment, especially when he comes back to the bed and wraps his arms around me, I'm happy. It's a first in a long while.

* * *

**What do you think?**

**How about that angry/emotional sex?**

**Love you guys and see you soon! **


	8. Chapter 8

**RR-Chapter 8**

**Edward**

I wake up without the alarm; a glance at the clock tells me that it's three. I gulp and lick my lips. I'm thirsty and I have a headache. I question whether or not I should even attempt to go back to sleep. But my head makes up my mind by throbbing. It's then that I know trying to fall back into a comfortable slumber would be fruitless.

After taking a moment to scrub my face, I look over at the naked girl lying next to me in the bed. My mind swirls with her scent making my head pound even harder. There are so many questions, things I want to say, actions I want to take…all of it is too much and I can't take sitting here for one more second.

I solve the first problem by rolling out of bed and heading for the fridge. I grab a water and swig it back. It's cool and refreshing. It wakes me up further, but does little to relieve the pain in the side of my head. I groan and let my free hand slip up over my face. But no matter what I do, when I open my eyes, she's still there.

She's sleeping now, but I'm not dumb. I know she didn't get to sleep right away. I can't blame her. Four years is a long time to let slip away because I was an idiot. Or was I?

Her side of the story is very believable. I gulp when I realize this; my nerves are crawling up from the pit of my stomach. I don't know what to think. I'm finally aware that this is the reason for the pounding in my skull. Every dream since the moment my head hit the pillow has been surrounded by her. And my mind has been in overdrive about what to think, what to believe.

Anything could be true, I suppose with a sigh.

It's possible I just wasted the last four years over some kind of hearsay. It's also very possible that Bella is lying in defense, since she's trapped in this room with me.

I realize we clearly didn't have a rock solid relationship back then, especially if I was willing to take a few text messages to heart. But in _my_ defense, it was high school and as much as I want to say I was head over heels in love with Bella, it clearly wasn't as healthy as I had remembered.

My eyes close and the familiar, warming feeling I used to get with her presence fills my entire body. I begin to question myself. Maybe I did love her? Maybe I was just young and foolish? Bella always meant so much more to me than anyone else who ever came into my life after her.

Another quick look at the clock tells me it's way too fucking early to be up, and yet my body has no desire to return to sleep. My mind is too active for me to rest. I think fast and decide to grab my running shorts and go for swim. This nice hotel features an indoor pool, and I intend to put it to use.

I figure it's a good way to burn off some steam. My head is still out of sorts, but I'm hoping some exercise will make that fade.

The water is cold as I dive in head first, but it feels good. And cutting through it with the force of everything that has been weighing on my mind feels even better. I swim laps until I'm more than exhausted and so wrung out I barely have enough energy to pull myself out of the pool.

I try to catch my breath with the rough cement under me. My chest heaves and I shake off the extra water. I feel better, but my head still isn't right. It's swimming with visions of Bella, me, the past, last night.

There's too much buzzing around in it.

And there's only one way to fix that problem.

We need to talk. Last night was…well, last night wasn't the best decision I've made in a long time.

But there's one thing I know.

Last night, it meant a hell of a lot more to me than a roll in the sack.

Four years ago, I tried to pack away my feelings for her in the same suitcase that I stuffed full for my trip to Europe. It worked for the most part. That summer was filled with new experiences and tons of fun.

Then, I moved to school; it all helped. It kept my mind on something else, something different that was able to hold my attention. My studies were challenging, so I didn't have much free time to think about her. Also, we were in two different realms of a big college, so I didn't see much of her when I was on campus. My schedule was mostly to thank for that blessing. And that was how I kept all those feelings at bay. I kept my distance; anger and hurt making her disappear from my life, for the most part.

But as soon as I saw her standing there, crying, I'd be lying if my head didn't flood with all those feelings I had carefully locked away.

And last night, didn't help. Not one bit.

If she thought that was closure sex, then she's alone on that front.

***RR***

I pad into the room, I don't know where to start, but I'm sure some coffee will help both of us. So I decide to shower and then go make a coffee run before confronting her.

I'm quick with my shower and when I leave the bathroom, she's still asleep. I hurry down to the lobby to get us both some hot caffeine. I figure it will be our only saving grace.

The line is long and it takes me a while to secure us both a cup of decent coffee. I feel like it's been forever, on my way back to the room, but only because I've been away from her, and I feel like there is so much resting on my chest and swirling in my mind.

But when I open the door, Bella isn't asleep in the bed. She's not even in the bathroom getting ready. I have no idea where she could've gone and that makes me anxious. Our grad night plays out in my head again as immature as that sounds.

**Bella**

I am scared. I guess that's the best way to describe it. Edward's gone. His side of the bed is long cold. And here I am, alone in a hotel room.

After last night, what am I supposed to think?

I scramble out of bed, looking around. I try to find him anywhere, but he's nowhere to be found. The bathroom is empty and just like I thought, I'm alone.

I throw on some clothes as quickly as I can and find my slippers, hoping I'll be able to track Edward down. My mind goes to the worst. Thinking he left me here, that he's half way home and I'm stuck here in the middle of nowhere.

I scurry out the door and down the corridor, but Edward's not there either.

It's then I realize he paid for the room; he would have to check out. He's got to be still here somewhere. So I head back to the room, trying to hold myself together. I guess the emotions from last night are still flooding my mind.

I shake my head as I turn the handle on the door.

We need to talk. And the only way we are going to be able to do that is if I find him.

I bust through the door and march into the room looking more than a little upset, I'm sure. I can feel the heat flooding my face, but it's only because I'm consumed by worry. I've been abandoned before, it's not like now should be any different.

"Where were you?" I ask; I can hear the emotion in my own voice and it disgusts me. I don't want him to know I was scared. I want a level playing field, but I should've known there is nothing close to that here.

"I was getting us coffee," he says softly, holding up the steaming cup and offering to me.

When I step closer and take the coffee he lets his free hand reach up and cup my arm, bringing me even closer to him.

I'm sure my eyes are close to glistening with wetness. I'm shocked, and his sudden comfort helps heal wounds I think will forever be open and bloody.

"It's okay," he whispers as he puts his arms around me and holds me to his chest. "But we still have to finish talking."

I nod into his shirt, where it's catching the tears that are slowly falling from my eyes. They feel like relief, they feel like their burning me, but either way, the feeling is good.

My breathing finally calms, and he pulls back a little, looking at my face, studying me.

"In the two years we were together, you never once cried in front of me."

I gulp and close my eyes. I used to be stronger, I guess. I used to be able to hold all the shit in my life back. It never bothered me before, but now it's like there is a puncture in the dam, the floodgates are open and everything that has an edge of emotion to it will make me wilt.

"I'm sorry," I breathe.

He shakes his head, almost violently. "Don't be sorry, don't ever be sorry. Not for that."

With one last hug, we break apart. I don't want to, but I know we need to get shit dealt with, or this will never go anywhere.

We both sit; him right across from me at the tiny table.

He takes a long swig of his steaming coffee and I do the same. The burn is pleasant and the subtle sweetness is welcoming.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"We need to talk."

We both utter the same words at the same moment. Leaving me to believe there is an even larger reason we belong together. But even though that's right there in the forefront of my mind, we still need to clear the air completely.

He motions for me to go first.

I smile softly; I know it's my turn to give some answers. As angry as I am about what happened back then, I refuse to let it happen again, so I close my eyes and bring myself back to that night. He needs to know.

My lips begin to move as I recall that very night…

**Graduation Night June 6****th**** 2008**

_I'm busy brushing my hair and fixing my dress. Tonight's special and I want to look good for Edward. I want to remember this night forever. _

_Just as I'm straightening the comforter on my bed, my phone buzzes. _

_One look down at the screen tells me it's Seth, someone who doesn't normally text__ me, let alone call__ me. _

"_Hello," I say, not knowing why he could possibly be calling me. _

_Seth and I really __a__re only friends because of Jake. We've never been overly close. _

"_Bella?" he asks carefully, but just from that I know something's up__;__ there's worry evident in his voice. _

"_Yeah, Seth, what's the matter?" _

"_It's Jake. You've got to get over to Paul's. He's been drinking Bella, and he's pretty fucked up__. I've never seen him like this..__. He's crying for Christ's sake. Can you come and help with him?"_

_I nod to myself and swallow. Jake's __one of __my __dearest __friend__s__, __I've known him for years. __I've got to be there for him. Then I realize that Seth can't see my actions. I choke out a 'yes' before running around like a nut and driving way too fast to get to my friend in need. _

_I leave __Edward__ a note, because I know __he__'ll be too busy with __his__ family to see my text before __he __head__s__ over. _

_And when I get to the party and see the state that Jake's in, I know I've got a long night on my hands. But of course, he's best friend, so he's my focus, even on graduation night. _

_I wrap my arms around him and surprise him before he even knows who's hugging him. _

"_Bella?" he gruffly grumbles above while I continue to hug him. _

"_Yes?" _

"_Oh fuck, I'm glad you're here," he tells me__,__ as he tries to clear his face. I settle into a kitchen chair beside him__.__ I know a party isn't the best place to talk, but hey, I__'m__ working with what I ha__ve__, which __i__sn't much. "We're going to have so much fun. Wanna be my beer pong partner?" _

_While he's asking, he gets to his feet and grabs my hand. _

_This is a move I ha__ve__ seen time and time again with Jake. He w__ill __do anything to take his mind off what __i__s bothering him so he d__oes__n't have to actually talk about it. _

_I shake my head. "Sorry bud, I'm not drinking tonight__, and you're not drinking any more__." _

_He frowns and I can tell he's going to cop an attitude or try to talk me into it. So before he has a chance, I slip away and find Paul, asking him if it's okay if we use his room for a few minutes. _

_I need to get Jake away from the crowds and ask him what the hell's going on. _

_When Paul gives me the okay I go back to Jake and practically drag him away from his friends, even on the way upstairs, his friends are still trying to ply him with alcohol. They don't know, but they're only making everything worse. _

_I grin and bear it since I know Jake would rather me not make a scene in front of all of them. But as soon as we get into Paul's room, my hands are on my hips and my finger is about to wag in shame of what he's acting like. _

"_What's going on with you?" I ask, trying not to talk down to him, but it's hard when he's acting like a child. _

"_Bella, look at you," he says, his eyes glossy from all the liquor. "Why don't you just come over here?" His crooked smile tells me he's not meaning it in a friendly way._

"_Jake, this isn't like you. What the hell is going on?" My frustration hits a whole new level. And I can't tamp down my temper. _

_Then just as I'm about to storm out of the room, the tears begin to fall from his face fast and hard. His cheeks turn a distinct red against their natural tan shade. _

_I want to comfort him, help him, anything. But I don't even know where to start. He looks lost, confused and broken. And my mind can only imagine what's happened to him to break him like th__is__. _

"_She's gone," he grits out angrily__,__ as his eyes fill with tears again. _

_I can't hold back my emotions; I know exactly what he means when he says __"she's gone__.__"_

"_When?" I ask, as I take a seat next to him, hugging him. He needs it. He needs to know he's not going to be alone through this__ mess__. __I've been there, I understand._

"_Yesterday_—_"__ He swallows and takes a deep breath. "She __didn't even bother to__show up for graduation." _

_I know trying to hold him is useless when he's so much bigger than me, but I know that ache, that same pain he's going through__,__ and I can't just let it happen to him. So I wrap my arms tighter and try to keep the pain at bay. _

"_I'm sorry,__ Jake,__" I murmur__;__ I know it's far from what he needs to hear, but it's something.__ "I'm so sorry."_

_He grumbles some passive sentiment just as there's a heavy knock on the door. _

"_This room is taken," Jake bites out. I can tell he's pissed about the interruption, but it's a party and there's nothing I can do about it._

_There __i__s some __kind of __commotion out in the hallway, but __we ignore it__. _

"_Hey, I have an idea," I murmur, mostly to myself. _

"_What?" he __gripes, looking completely lost__. _

"_Let's go back to your house, we can talk about everything__ in private__," I tell him sincerely. I feel so bad about the situation that I can't help but offer. _

_My own memories about my cracked and tattered childhood come rushing back__,__ and my heart is heaving__,__ ready to break all over again. _

"_Sure," he mumbles before getting up and offering me a hand. _

_We leave quickly, thinking we've gone unseen by our friends. I want this to be private for Jake's sake. He doesn't need to answer any unwanted questions tomorrow morning. _

_And when we get to his house, it's as if time flies. We lay down and he tells me all about how she left and told off him and his father. His tears don't stop; they just continue to roll down his cheeks. _

_From what he understands of the situation, she's gone for good and wants nothing to do with either of them. _

_Jake feels robbed__,__ and __unfortunately __it's a feeling I can completely relate to. It was only four short years ago that I went through the same thing with my own mother. Except, she didn't tell me and my father off, she just said she needed her space, room to grow__,__ and she couldn't do that with a husband and daughter around. _

_I swallow hard trying to tamp down my emotions as I comfort Jake. _

_Time doesn't even occur to me until we're out on the back deck watching the sun come up. He's bringing me a mug of coffee and thanking me for everything. _

_That's when it becomes glaringly obvious of what happened and just how I fucked up. _

_I rush to get to my phone__ out of my truck__. But every text and call __I try to respond to __go__es__ unanswered. _

When I finish, I take a deep breath and try to calm the emotions that are crawling up inside me. The ones I need to hold back from spilling over. My mother left me and I still have issues I'm dealing with because of that, but this is neither the time nor the place.

His eyes close and I can see he's taking it all in. It's not an easy task, but it's something I've had to bear. I know that forgetting about him in my friend's time of need wasn't right, but neither is what he did.

We were both in the wrong. That's the only conclusion I can come up with.

But there's only one way we can fix it…if there is even anything left _to_ fix.

"That's a lot to handle for anyone."

"Yes, it was," I murmur, not really knowing what to say.

"You were a really good friend to him," he says softly, swallowing.

"Thanks," I whisper, feeling ashamed, because while I was off being a 'good friend', I was also being a bad girlfriend.

"Bella, I needed this, more than you know. Thank you for telling me, even if it is four years too late." He sighs and looks up at me. "And I'm the first one to admit I acted like a fool back then, but I was young and when you trust someone, your friends, then you take their word. And when there was more than one person recounting the _same_ situation, over and over, I couldn't help but believe them."

I nod, knowing the feeling and accepting what he has to say. It's not like either of us can change the past. But I am hurt that he talks about trust… What about me?

"You should have trusted _me_, Edward, _your girlfriend_."

"I know, Bella, believe me, I know." He grips his hair in frustration. "All I can offer you is that I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry I didn't answer your calls or texts. I really missed out on having a great…friend these last few years."

I swallow and nod, tears burning my eyes. "I'm sorry, too. I wish I hadn't lost track of time, been more thoughtful, forgotten to call you, but I was just so caught up in Jake's pain, my memories of that pain..." That's all I can manage to say. There's more there that wants to come out, but I can't let it. I am just too tired of all the pain, and loss.

_And __I'm just a __'__friend__'__…_

_What more can I say?_

* * *

**Thank you MC for being there for me and Beta'ing this! Much love dear! **

**Well now, what are you all thinking?**

**He says friend, but does he mean more?**

**Now that they've cleared the air, next chapter will be them heading home. And MC, it will be in your inbox soon! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to MC for working with me on this one !**

* * *

**LRH-Chapter 9**

**Bella**

When we finally head out for home it's nearly noontime, but I'm okay with the delay. We've officially cleared the air, and even though I know we still have some issues that are unresolved, I think we can only handle so much at one time. And so as to not make things awkward, Edward says the roads are safe, so we're free to travel for as long we want today. With that, my mind instantly flits to my father. I need to see him and I can't bear to be away from him any longer.

So just like that, we pack our things and set out to make it home by tonight.

My dad still doesn't know we're coming, so I am really looking forward to the surprise, and I'm hoping that a bow on top of my head will be enough to make an old man happy for the holidays.

As the road flies beneath the tires, I skim through more of Edward's music. We still have roughly the same taste, so it makes for easy pickings. For which I'm thankful.

Of course, just like the last time we were in the car and I was flipping through his songs, there are some that stick out, but I try my best to ignore them or skip them when they come on. Right now, I don't need anything more to make my heart split in half. I am barely holding it together as it is.

The hours pass and we talk occasionally. Mostly about our families, nothing too deep, and I'm okay with some quiet too. When Edward does tell me about what his family's been up to for the past few years, he smiles while he talks, and it's easy to see he loves them a whole hell of a lot. He's so excited to see his niece and nephew. And it makes me think what a great dad he'll make one day…for some lucky woman.

I take a moment to think about what kind of happiness a child brings to a day like that and I know, hands down, that it's going to be incredible for him to share that day with them.

"Yeah, and they'll probably beg for pony rides all night, but hey, it's only a couple times a year, so I'll put up with it…and then my subsequent sore back." He chuckles.

I smile, holding back the tears I feel brimming in my eyes.

"What do you think you'll do?" he asks, glancing at me out of the corner of his eyes.

It's such a loaded question, and honestly I'm getting tired of thinking about what I'd like to do as opposed to what I am financially capable of doing. I'm still emotional and I wonder if this is the best discussion to be having.

"Hmm?" he prompts again.

"Well, I'll…um…" I swallow and sigh. "I'll probably go to the store and get a whole bunch of stuff for us to eat, then bring it home and make a huge meal."

Sure, I'm stretching the truth on that one, but since it's just me and Dad, I can still probably pull off most of the meal that he loves so much with the cash I have left in my wallet.

"Oh yeah? What about a tree and presents? You think your dad put one up already?" His sweet green eyes cut over to me again for a split second before refocusing on the road.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and close my eyes for a few minutes, trying so fucking hard to get a handle on my emotions.

"Oh yeah, sure, that's probably been up for weeks," I answer, wishing there was anything else we could talk about. I lie, but only because I don't need to give Edward any more of a reason to look down on me.

"Well, that's great, Mom's just happy that we're making it home in one piece with the weather we've been having. Even if we are two days later than we'd planned."

I'm shocked by his words.

"Your mom knows I'm with you?" I ask, suddenly not able to keep my surprise to myself anymore.

He looks at me for a second with his brows dipping together. "Of course she does. Why not?"

I shrug. I can think of a million reasons why not, but I don't want to ruin the _friendly_ vibe we've got going, so I keep my mouth shut.

"Bella, she remembers you just fine. Though, she was a little surprised when I mentioned you. She seemed rather happy that we had reconnected."

I smile, only to placate him, though. I know Esme's true feelings. Those were evident the day he moved onto campus, when she pretended I didn't exist.

The hours pass rather quickly, and I don't know if he's driving like a maniac or not, but either way I begin to recognize the road.

"We're almost home!" I squeal excitedly, adjusting myself in the seat so I can really take in the familiar surroundings.

_Home._

He grins and chuckles. "Am I really that bad to be around?" he jokes.

"No, no, Edward, not at all. I'm just happy that I'll get to see my dad," I tell him, smiling. "I…I've really missed him." It's the truth, I've been really worried about him and I can't help but wonder just how much time I'll actually have with him.

"I'm glad I could help you," he whispers, covering my hand with his and squeezing gently. For the first time since this morning, I feel normal, almost okay, happy even.

It's then that I realize that I need him. Really need him in my life.

I swallow at this turning point and curse our past. It's too late, though, we missed our opportunity together and it's a damn shame.

It's a little after ten. And I know when I get dropped I'll essentially be alone. Dad will have long been asleep, not that he's expecting me anyway, but that's what will happen, and I'll be there in the house by myself.

Instantly, I'm wishing this trip was going to take longer so I could really savor the last few moments I have together with Edward. But there's nothing left. It was a long road home, but it's come to an end. Our tiny town is just that, tiny and the time goes by fast as he flies down the familiar roads until he reaches my house.

There it is, in all its homey glory.

The shingles are dilapidated, the siding needs paint, and it's the only house on the block without a single decoration. It's certainly not the stunning home it once was in its prime. Dad hasn't been able to handle the upkeep in a while and paying someone to do it is out of the question.

Thankfully, though, the mountains of snow seem to cover most of the problem areas.

Instead of parking on the side of the road like I had thought he would, Edward powers through the unplowed driveway and parks in front of the garage door.

"Thanks, Edward, I can't tell you how much this meant to me," I say quietly. "Do you want some money for gas and all that?"

Of course, I don't really have it to give him, but he's been more than accommodating these past few days and I know I have to offer.

He shakes his head and relief fills me. "I'm good, Bella. I didn't offer you a ride home to take your money. Besides—" He lowers his voice and blows out a breath. "It was nice having company along the way. Your company, I mean." His smile is genuine and almost makes me feel warm inside. But the dreaded _friend_ conversation from earlier rears its ugly head in the back of my mind.

"Well, have a nice night, and I wish you a very Merry Christmas, Edward," I tell him sincerely, opening my door and attempting to slide out.

"Wait, B, just a second," he says in a hurry, getting out of the car and running around to my side. "I'm helping you inside. That's part of the deal, so no arguing, okay?" His tone is playful, and I can't help but smile at his words.

"Okay."

He gets my bags from the back and then helps me across the snow covered paths.

"I guess when you're sick you don't have the energy to shovel," he comments.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Why don't I stop by tomorrow morning and I'll shovel you guys out? That way you'll be able to make it to the market safely."

"Really?"

"Sure, I'd like to help."

"That would be wonderful," I reply, looking up at his earnest face; choking a bit on my emotions. I think I really need a good cry.

I shove my key in the lock and open the door quietly to go in but not wake my dad. Once inside, I flip on a few lights. It's chilly, but not too bad.

"Where would you like them, miss?" he asks in a joking way, but it's still adorable and after a nine hour ride home I wonder where he finds his good mood.

"Right there is fine, thanks, I can handle them."

He shrugs, but agrees. We let a few moments pass between us, and I can see him looking into the living room. I know why too.

There's no tree. No decorations at all. It's like the holiday doesn't exist in this house.

And Edward can see it plain as day.

But thankfully he doesn't say anything.

"Thanks again," I say sweetly.

"You're welcome, Bella, I mean it, anytime. Remember," he bends and finds my eyes, "I'm still here for you. I'll see tomorrow, all right?"

I nod, it's all I can manage, and reach for the handle on the door.

"Wait, I…um…I don't have your number," he stutters out.

"Oh yeah? You want it?"

"Well, just so I can call first before I show up for snow removal duty." He grins and bows.

"Oh, okay then." I laugh and rattle off my same old number that hasn't changed since high school.

"You didn't change your number," he comments.

"Nope, how about you?"

He shakes his head 'yes'. "But I'll text you anyway, so you'll have the new one."

"Sounds good," I respond with a sigh, as he moves to leave.

"Sleep tight, Bella."

"You, too, Edward," I call after him.

With one last wave I force myself to go back inside the dark house because the cold is biting at my exposed skin, and I can't take much more of it.

I stop at the fridge and take an inventory, mainly to see if I can surprise Dad with breakfast in the morning.

But by the looks of it, that's a 'no' for anything substantial. The fridge is pretty much bare. I wonder briefly how bad things really are here. But then I see bread on the counter and some of his favorite jam. Well, at least I'll be able to put some toast on a plate for him.

On my way up the stairs I straighten a few picture frames. When I get to my dad's door I can't help but peak in on him, you know?

And when I see him sleeping peacefully, I sigh and smile, whispering, "I love you, Dad," then make my way to my room. I set my bags down and look around, nothing's changed, my old pictures are still cluttered on my desk and hanging from the walls.

My favorite posters are now peeling around the tape, but they're there, and it all looks like home.

I shiver, rubbing my arms, it's cool in here so I grab another blanket from the hall closet and settle into bed.

Just as I'm about to shut off my light and beg for sleep, my phone buzzes.

**Sleeping alone is no fun, miss you. –E**

Instantly a smile tugs at my lips.

I quickly type out a reply text and shut off my light. I need to sleep, tomorrow's a big day. I need to surprise my dad. I want this to be a good and memorable Christmas for him, and for me.

**Miss you too. See you tomorrow. Thanks again. –B**

Maybe there's hope after all.

* * *

**There you have that. **

**They're home. Safe and sound. **

**What did you think?**

**How about that text?**

**Did it make you smile?**


	10. Chapter 10

**LRH-Chapter 10**

**Edward**

My mother greets me with glee and a smile that won't quit. I can tell she is beyond happy and relieved that I've finally made it home. And I am too.

"My baby," she squeals, kissing my cheek and smothering me in a hug. Her off-white, cashmere sweater tickles my nose as she pulls me in closer to her.

"Hi, Ma," I mumble out, hugging her back.

She's always like this when I see her on breaks. She thinks when I leave, she's never going to see me again. I have no idea where this notion came from, but I understand the whole empty nest syndrome. My parents only have me and my sister and we're both away from home most of the time.

"It's so good to see you," she comments when she pulls away. "And look at you," she says patting my stomach. "Have you been eating regular, good meals?"

"Yes, Mom." I smile at her being a mom. "And thanks, it's really good to be home. Did Rose and the kids make it yet?"

"Yes, dear, but I'm afraid you missed all of them. Even your father was worn out after playing pony all evening."

I chuckle. "That's okay. Quiet is better. I'm tired myself, anyway."

She nods, understanding. "I'm sure you are after all that driving."

We talk a little about school and the drive home as I grab a snack. Bella really wanted to make it home before her father went to bed, so we didn't stop for dinner and I am starving. Though, I guess by the darkness of her house when I dropped her off, we didn't make it before Charlie fell asleep.

As I'm chewing my way through a turkey sandwich I notice Mom's incessant stare. Her faded green eyes won't let up, and I can't even enjoy my food under her watch.

"What?" I ask as soon as my mouth is empty.

"Oh, come on, you and Bella were alone in a car and a hotel room for a few days and there's nothing you want to talk about?" She chides with a grin. Her hair, that's in its perfect place like always, bounces with a laugh. And even though she is steadily approaching fifty-five her hair is still the same color as mine. A rich, reddish brown.

I swear she colors it.

I roll my eyes and continue to eat.

"Come on, Edward. You go away for four years and I hear nothing about her. There must be something now, right?"

I shrug. This is really the last thing I want to think about right now. I've been thinking about it all day. We talked, cleared the air—for the most part, and now, after all this time, we're finally able to rekindle a bit of the friendship that was lost. I don't want to ruin it with other feelings, but they keep sneaking into my head—and I keep thinking about the sex and how wonderful it felt to be close to Bella like that again.

"There's not much to tell," I avoid Mom's eyes, "other than that we're friends now."

She purses her lips and crosses her arms over her chest. This is Mom's move. She's got it down pat and when she's using it, you know to be scared. She's either pissed or in utter disbelief. I think this situation would lend itself to the latter.

"What about what happened _before_?" she asks warily. I know my mother, she worries. That's what they do.

"Well," I clear my throat, "apparently, she didn't cheat." My voice is quiet and to be honest, I'm a little ashamed I have to admit this fact. It was my fault for jumping to conclusions and then not talking to her. And while I'm still trying to digest everything, I do believe her. There was sincerity in her eyes, something so raw, like her heart was being torn open just as mine was too. I could feel her pain, like it was my own.

I finally look at my mother's face and take in her dropped jaw.

"What?" I ask, getting annoyed. Maybe I shouldn't have shared this information with her.

"She didn't cheat?" she questions, raising her eyebrows.

"Nope." I shake my head.

"You're kidding me."

"No, Ma, I'm not. I wouldn't joke about that, you know how hurt I was."

"Okay, so, what happened?" She gives me her motherly look again.

I feel my cheeks heat. While I'm normally pretty open with my mother and girls, I'm not going to tell her I slept with Bella. She doesn't need to know.

"Not much…we talked, she explained, we said we were both sorry."

She smiles and nods, telling me she doesn't believe I'm telling her everything.

After a few moments of silence between us, I decide to throw her a bone and tell her about my peace offering.

"I'm shoveling for her tomorrow."

"Oh, really?" She gives me smug look. "And when was the last time you willingly offered to shovel snow for anyone else?"

I take my time swallowing my mouthful before I quietly answer. "Um…a while."

She raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. Instead she kisses me on the forehead, heads out of the kitchen and up the stairs. "Goodnight, Edward," she sings, and I can hear the smile in her voice.

I roll my eyes once more before finishing my sandwich and heading up to bed myself.

While lying in my otherwise empty bed, the coldness of the sheets begins to seep around me and it's then I realize I miss her. I miss sleeping next to Bella.

I pull out my phone and tell her exactly that.

And much to my surprise she shoots me one back just as quickly.

I smile when I see that she misses me too. I don't know what's going on with my heart, but I know my mind is telling me that we need to be friends first. Before anything…_else_ can happen.

***RR* **

I'm startled awake when someone of the smaller nature jumps on my chest, knees first.

"Uncle Eddie, wake up!" I hear being whisper-shouted as two warm, chubby hands cradle my face.

Then the gentleness fades and the light slapping begins. "Unnnnnncle Eddie!"

I chuckle and finally open my eyes to see my beautiful niece, Lilly, kneeling on my chest.

"Hello, sweet girl."

"G'mornin', Uncle Eddie, I missed you!"

Her big, blue eyes light up so bright and her smile is a killer; my heart almost stops.

"I missed you, too. What are you up to?" I smile up at her sweet face.

"Momma told me to come wake you up," she replies as a matter-of-fact.

"Oh, did she now?"

"Yep." Her shiny, blond pigtails sway with her head as she nods.

"Well, then, I guess it's time for me to get up," I tell her, sitting up and moving her to the side of me. She was beginning to crush my lungs anyway.

"Yay!" she squeals as she gets up and begins jumping all over my bed.

I just shake my head; I have no idea where she gets all that energy from.

"Did you get Uncle Eddie up?" I hear my sister holler up from downstairs.

"Yes, Momma," she returns with a wide smile beaming at me.

She may be polite to her mother, but I'm really her favorite. I give her all the candy her little sweet tooth desires and always make sure her parents are none the wiser.

"Good, now both of you get down here for breakfast," Rose calls.

I groan and scrub my face. It's only a little before seven and I still feel like I could sleep another twelve hours. But then I remember about the promise I made to Bella. So reluctantly I get up and shuffle my way downstairs with Lilly in tow.

Breakfast is great and catching up with everyone is even better. My nephews Dylan and Hunter are just as pleased to see me as Lilly. I guess I didn't realize just how much I've missed them and from what I can tell, how much they've missed me.

Sometimes, Lilly, Hunter and Dylan make me want kids of my own, but just as Rose has Emmett, I really want to find myself someone that will love me unconditionally before that day comes.

Just as I'm cleaning up my plate I text Bella to see if it's a good time to go over or not.

_**Still okay if I head over this morning to shovel?**_** -E**

_**Sure, **__**I'm here whenever you want to come over**__**.**__**Thanks.**_**–B**

I take that as an okay that she still wants to see me and hop in the shower.

Fifteen minutes later I'm heading out the door with shovel in hand.

When I get there I park on the street and start with the driveway. I really want to spend my morning talking with her, rather than shoveling, but I know that I made a promise. I hope we'll have some time together after I finish up.

Just as I'm about done with the walkway, the door scrapes open and I'm greeted with a beautiful sight. Bella is standing there with her long hair hanging down for a change. Her cheeks are rosy red and her smile is so wide I wonder if it might split her face.

"Jesus, you're already done? I didn't even know you were here yet!"

I shrug, I'm not really worried, it wasn't that bad. "Don't worry about it, besides I didn't tell you exactly when I was coming."

"Thank you so much, Edward," she says sweetly. "At least come in and I'll make you some cocoa."

I pull off my hat and gloves, there's not a bone in my body that can deny her request.

I realize how much I really do want to spend some time with her.

**Bella**

I'm quick making the hot cocoa. I know he loves it, I remember that at least. And when his deep, green eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning as I add extra marshmallows, I'm thrilled.

We sit at the kitchen table with the mugs warming our hands. And in that instant I'm transported back to our high school days when we used to do this on a snow day or even right after school. Those were memories that I savored and swore to keep forever. But up until now, I haven't revisited them.

Now though, it's hard to keep them from flooding my mind.

His damp hair flops in his face and I smile thinking to myself just how much he still looks like the boyfriend I had back then. Four years hasn't changed those sweet cheeks or gorgeous eyes.

Those eyes scan the room and fall on the barren living room which is in direct sight.

"No tree this year?" he asks, scrunching his eyebrows.

I shrug and shake my head. "Dad didn't, um, want to bother, you know with the mess and all."

He nods, but the look in his eyes tells me he doesn't believe it, not one bit. I knew he would notice.

"Do you want me to take you to get one?" he offers after a beat. I can tell he's nervous; he's pulling at his jeans.

I shake my head. I don't have the extra money for a real tree and the last thing I need is my dad finding out that Edward knows the financial situation we're in.

"No, thank you. We have a fake one upstairs that Dad said we could use."

"Okay," he says quietly, looking a little disappointed.

Thankfully we move on to better topics. Like his family and how his little niece woke him up this morning.

I snort, not feeling embarrassed at all. This is me. "She jumped on you? That's awesome."

He chuckles and smiles. "Yeah, it's all fine and good until you're on the receiving end of the jump, not so fun then."

We continue to talk amicably about our families, until I hear Dad getting up. I rush to help him.

He was so bowled over by my surprise this morning that I'm certain now I couldn't have thought of a better Christmas gift. I've never seen my dad smile that wide before. And he was stunned to have coffee and toast in bed. I'm so glad I was able to do that for him.

"Here Dad, let me help you," I tell him, trying to grab his arm to help him down the stairs.

He waves me off with his lips pursed. "I'm fine, Bella. I can do it myself, you know that."

His plaid full-length robe clings to his thin frame and poking out underneath are his tattered dark blue slippers. I make a mental note to see if I can afford some new ones for him before Christmas. Though, it probably won't happen but it is a good thought.

I allow him to hobble down the stairs in front of me. His gray hair is becoming scraggly. It's not the neat and tidy cut I'm used to seeing him with. Dad's skin is pale now and his formerly dark brown eyes are faded. I momentarily close my eyes and whisper a prayer, hoping I get to keep him with me for a while longer.

But he must be walking quicker than I anticipate because before I can even open my eyes I hear his voice asking me why there's a boy in his kitchen.

"Dad, that's Edward Cullen, you remember him don't you?"

"Of course I do, that damn fool who broke your heart," he grumbles glaring at Edward.

"Dad," I chide.

He looks at me remorsefully before shrugging his robe clad shoulders.

"Good morning, Mr. Swan," Edward greets, not letting my father's accusation offend him.

"Yeah, yeah. Any day I wake up is good morning."

My father hobbles around for another few seconds before plopping down in the plastic kitchen chair.

"I guess it is," Edward replies back quietly.

I take a seat in the middle and watch as they stare each other down. The tension is rising. I can feel it and I'm readying myself for evasive maneuvers. Something I feel like I'm going to need.

But then, my dad lets out a huge sigh and lays his hands flat on the table. "Boy, I'm getting too old for this shit. So let's cut to the chase, where the hell have you been?"

Edward chuckles, shaking his head. I can tell he remembers my father. My dad has never been one to beat around the bush and this is one of those times.

"School, sir."

Dad purses his lips. "Uh huh."

Edward shrugs, and I decide we need to change the subject.

"Dad he was actually just having a cup of cocoa, since he was cold from shoveling our drive and walkway."

Dad's about to say something, but I can tell his words stay put as his tongue stays tucked against the roof of his mouth. He turns to me and searches my eyes for more answers, but I know full well he's not going to find them. I don't have them.

"Oh really?" he comments slowly.

"Well, after I dropped Bella off last night and saw it wasn't done yet, I thought it would be a help to you guys."

Dad nods. "Thanks son, but you know I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. I just haven't gotten around to it."

"Oh, I know, I just thought it would save you the trouble," Edward explains, making my dad reply with a genuine smile.

Dad likes to believe that he's not an ounce different since the treatments started up and that everything is still the same as it used to be. And I desperately want to believe it is too, but it's simply not possible.

Edward starts off asking him about Dad's boating business and from there they fall into a comfortable conversation, talking about everything from Edward's major to Dad's desire to buy another boat.

After an hour or so he gets tired and wants to take a nap, so after I make sure he's made it up there safely, I return my attention to Edward. Someone, who for the last hour, has captivated me and made me remember just why I loved him in the first place.

The smiles, laughs and overall warmth he gives off are something that makes me want to smile in return and they give me this overwhelming need to gravitate closer to him.

Something that could be very dangerous.

* * *

**Edward's kind of sweetie, huh? **

**How about that niece of his? *grins* I may have written that after my own little niece.**

**What are you thinking about Bella now?**

**Update wll be soon as it's already beta'd! So as soon as I finish up 12 and get it to MC, 11 will be posted! :)**

**Thank you to MC for her massive amount of help with this! You've been nothing but awesome! :) She dealt with me sending her a brand new chapter when she was halfway through the old one! God bless her easy going-ness! :)**

**Don't forget that there is a group on FB- Midnightlove87's Fics**

**I also have a wordpress linked on my profile for anyone interested.**


	11. Chapter 11

**LRH-Chapter 11**

**Bella**

Christmas Eve is finally here and thanks to some much needed holiday energy I am able to decorate the inside of the house some. I did find that fake tree from way back when I was little and even set it up in the living room. It looks pretty damn good, if I do say so myself, now that I've loaded it with colored lights and old but still shiny ornaments.

It's actually starting to feel like Christmas. And Dad, well, he told me this morning that he's really happy I was able to make it home for the holiday. He said it just wouldn't have felt the same without me here.

And I can see why; it is, after all, only the two of us. Dad and I are all we have, and I'm not sure how I'll survive when it's just me.

Tears are still pricking at my eyes when I think about our moment together, but I'm trying to stay focused. I have a big plan and not a lot of money to make it happen, so I have to be mindful and think quick. I'm also trying to not get run over.

Hampden's typically empty grocery store is packed to the brim today and my sparsely filled cart can barely make it down the aisles. But I do my best to steer clear of the last minute shoppers and excited, occasional kid.

I watch as a little girl asks her mom to bake her Frosty the Snowman cookies and my heart breaks as her mother brusquely tells her that they won't have time.

It reminds me a lot of my own situation when I was young.

I swallow back my emotions as my mind goes to the last Christmas _she _spent with us.

Even at the ripe old age of thirteen I could tell that my mother's heart wasn't in it. And to this day she'll never know just how much I needed her and when I reached out, how hollow I felt coming up empty.

**Christmas 2003 – 13-year-old Bella**

"_Bella, can you get the stockings from the tote in the closet," Mom hollers up the stairs. _

"_Sure, Mom." __I scurry around trying to find the ones she wants. We have two sets, one from way back when I was a baby and now a newer set that's a deep red velvet. Mom says she likes them better since they don't look so tacky. _

_I finally unearth them and bring them to her waiting hands. _

"_Thanks__,__ baby," she says sweetly__, giving me a weak smile,__ before pinning them to the front of the hearth. _

_Now that those are done we work away at decorating the perfect tree. The very one that Dad and I scouted out and cut down ourselves. _

_Mom __i__sn't exactly thrilled about it_**–**_a real tree_**–**_but we__'d__ convinced her that it__'s__ better this way__, more natural and we had a blast__. This tree __i__s the best tree ever. It__'s __tall, but not too tall and it doesn't have any of those bare spots Mom hates so much. __And__ not only all that, but when you get up close to it and breathe deeply, it smells __exactly__ like Christmas. _

_She __sighs and __reluctantly puts her favorite tree skirt around the base while I finish off the school decorations I made last week. _

_Just as I'm straightening a few last pieces Dad walks in. _

_His __snow-covered __boots are toed off by the door and his coat is being hung on the hook. _

_As soon as he walks around the corner and sees the living room I hear the air being swept out of his lungs. _

"_Now that is one hell of a tree," he __exclaim__s with a big toothy smile filling his face. _

"_It'll do," my mother adds __gruffly, __looking at tree. _

_I shrug, Dad likes __it, __and you know what?_

_So do I. _

"_This is going to be the best Christmas ever!" I shout excitedly while Dad grins and comes over to give me a hug. _

_My mother turns __away to leave the room, but __gives me a placating smile__ before she walks away__. _

_I wonder what is going on with her._

I push every awful, heartbreaking thought that comes to mind as far back into the blackness as I can and concentrate on the list in my shaking hand.

There's only a few things left to get.

_Milk. _

_Rolls. _

_And some pancake mix. _

I plan to have as close to a feast tomorrow as I can.

Even if we have to suffer through Hamburger Helper tonight. It'll be worth it.

The wheel on the cart squeaks along as I attempt to locate my father's favorite rolls. He's quite particular when it comes to bread items. But just as I see the package I need my cart slams into another knocking me back a little. And when I look up, I'm surprised to see who's driving the other one.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Cullen," I apologize incessantly while trying to right all the baked goods that have toppled to the floor with our little incident.

She smiles kindly. "That's okay, dear, I didn't see you either."

I nod as I quickly keep picking up the fallen breads and pastries.

It's beyond awkward and I want nothing more than the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

Esme Cullen is the last person I thought I would run into here and damn it if she isn't the last person I'd hoped to run into.

When I'm finished picking up the mess I notice that she's still standing there watching me carefully.

I can see her eyes flicking to the box of store brand Hamburger Helper in my cart and my cheeks heat. I don't want to feel shame, but I can't really help it. To her it's probably a disgrace to have in your cart. Mind you, she was never uppity when I was around, but she's probably never served her family boxed meals either. I'm sure she thinks they're a shitty substitute for a real meal.

After a few more awkward infused moments, I say, "Good bye", and I'm finally on my way again.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," she calls after me. I do my best to return the same sentiment before moving on to the next item on my list.

***RR***

I finally make it out of the nuthouse that is the grocery store and home. My feet are stone cold and begging for some nice warm socks. I hurry through putting the groceries away so I can go grab myself a pair.

Just as I'm about to climb the stairs to go get some of those fluffy, fleece, soft as hell socks, there's a knock on the front door.

"One second," I shout at whoever is on the other side of the door. Sighing to myself I walk back down the stairs and through the hallway.

I pull the door open and much to my surprise it's Edward.

I can feel the smile that instantly forms on my lips and I don't even try to hide it.

"Hey," I say softly when I realize I haven't even greeted him yet.

Definitely a mental facepalm moment.

"Hi, B," he returns; only it's after he licks his pretty pink lips and grins adorably.

Yeah, I know what I feel. I know exactly what emotions surfaced on our little road trip down memory lane, but that doesn't mean I'm sharing them with him. We agreed…or rather _he_ agreed to be friends and that's what we're going to be.

I'm glad to have him back in my life and I really want to keep it that way. I have friends at college, don't get me wrong, but having one more wouldn't hurt.

"Wanna come in?" I put my arm out to indicate he should enter, as I catch a draft of the frigid breeze that's whipping around out there.

"Sure, I'd love to," he replies happily. I don't miss the glint in his stunning, green eyes. They haven't changed one bit and to be honest, I'm glad.

He toes off his Vans and I smile to myself. This guy has talked this big talk about change and how over four years _everyone_ changes. Well, he hasn't…_much_.

"Come check out the tree I put up!" I kind of bounce on the spot and he laughs; I'm so excited to finally have a tree and decorations, and I want him to see my accomplishment. That and I don't want him to think I'm completely hopeless. Dad and I may be strapped for cash, but we still have each other and there's no better gift at the holidays than love and your family.

And even though he follows behind me, I still want to reach out and grab his hand.

I don't.

We end up in the living room staring at the plastic green tree that has been adorned with ornaments from all the past years of Christmas. I even have my first Christmas one up there my grandma made me. It's perfect and makes me feel all warm on the inside.

"Bella, you did great! Has your dad seen it yet?"

I nod and swallow, for whatever reason my emotions are ganging up on me again.

"Yeah, he loved it," I manage to answer.

I get us some eggnog, and we sit and talk for a while. It's really nice and relaxed. But after we've run out of things to talk about I wonder what his real reason is for coming over. I mean he didn't call or anything, he just showed up. And as much as I would love to follow my heart and think that he merely wanted to see me, I know that's not true.

"So, um, what's up?" I ask. "I was kind of surprised to see you when I opened the door."

He looks down and pulls at the jean covering his knees.

Ha! Another thing that hasn't changed one bit. His nervous habit. He's always done that. And boy would I love to point it out to him. But the way his eyes slowly rise to mine and stare right at me, makes me hold my tongue.

"Well," he takes a deep breath, "I was wondering if you and your dad would like to come over for dinner tonight?"

His voice is quiet and his eyes, they're sincere. And I know then that his offer isn't out of pity.

Not to mention, a real dinner seems like it would be a hell of a lot better than the box sitting on the counter.

But before I can answer, Edward brings me out of my own head. "Please, Bella, I think it would be really fun for you to meet my niece and nephews, and see Rose again." He smiles reassuringly. "Mom mentioned she saw you today, and I know she wants to spend some time with you and see your dad, and Dad would be thrilled to see you both as well."

He regards me quietly for a few moments then reaches up and wipes away a few stray tears that I just couldn't keep at bay.

"I'd love to, Edward, thank you, but I don't know if Dad is up for it. So let me check with him first and see what he says, okay?"

I give him a warm smile to let him know that I'm sincere too. I would like to meet his niece and nephews, and see Rose; we actually did get along at one time. And even if the run in with his mother this afternoon was a little awkward, I know she wouldn't have let Edward ask if she hadn't wanted us to come.

"Great, I've got to pick up a few things at the store for tonight. Can you text me if you guys are coming?"

"Sure, that sounds good."

I lead him to the door, even though he knows the way. But when we get to it he hesitates and turns to me. It all happens so fast. Before I know it, his arms are around me, pulling me into him. It's just a simple hug, but to me, it feels like so much more.

"I've missed this, missed you," he breathes in my ear as my hands come up and hug him back.

"Me too," I whisper just as quietly.

And I'm pretty sure I feel a soft kiss being pressed to the side of my head.

* * *

**Thank you to MC for Beta'ing this puppy! Loves you! *Squishy hugs!***

**What'd yall think? **

**A hug is a step in the right direction, yes? MAYbe a possible kiss too? **

***shrugs* **

**Christmas Eve at the Cullen's is next. Will Bella be there?**

**Will her father be okay? **

**Will Edward break his back being a pony? **

**Stay tuned and find out! **

**:)**

**Remember I have a group on FB. Midnightlove's Fics If you're interested, you know? **


	12. Chapter 12

**LRH-Chapter 12**

**Edward**

"Ho, ho, ho!" I say as gruffly as I can, while double checking my costume one last time before stepping out into the living room.

The costume is itchy; I feel like my ass is going to chafe off, even through my boxers. I pull at it frantically: one, I'm afraid I might be getting fleas, and two, I'm pretty sure my nails can't penetrate whatever material this demon Santa suit is made of to satisfy the itch that's burning over my skin.

After a moment, I suck it up and leave the outfit be. There's nothing I can do now. I need to go make some kids really fucking happy and cement my good Karma for the next year.

I hear the little screams of excitement as I approach. I make sure my footsteps are heavy and my hat is on straight.

"Merry Christmas!" I shout, looking at the three giggling little shits on the floor. They all look so damn happy that it completely makes up for me drawing the short earlier.

That's right my father, Emmett and I all had to draw straws to decide who was going to be Santa. And wouldn't you know, I won. Lucky bastards are sitting on the couch trying not to bust a gut, as I subtly adjust the pillow around my stomach.

"Ho, ho, ho! Look at these kiddies! Isn't it past your bedtimes?" I ask in a deep, stern voice.

I stomp my way in farther, trying to make my feet match my supposed weight.

Lilly doesn't rear back at all. She giggles and comes forward, her bright blue eyes shining with mischief. This kid is going to kill some poor, unsuspecting fucker one day. "Santa, our bed time isn't until eight tonight, so we have a while. Not until the little hand is on the eight, duhhhh!" Her pudgy little finger points right at the clock, showing me where I've gone wrong.

Rose just sits there and attempts to hold back her laughter, but the occasional, quiet giggle breaks through.

Hunter and Dylan are curled behind their father's legs, staring at me like I'm a sight to be seen. I almost roll my eyes at my mother for having me do this. It's clear they think I'm terrifying, even if little miss doesn't.

"Well, thank you little lady for pointing that out," I say with a deep voice and an exaggerated sigh.

_What the fuck was that? Western? _

_And there's my dad snickering away._

I gather myself quickly, looking down at her skeptical face.

"I don't have long. But your mom and dad asked me to stop by and pay you a special visit. Since it is Christmas Eve I decided to come here first and make sure I got all your wishes collected," I explain, stepping closer and bopping her on the nose.

She smiles wide and jumps up on her feet.

Taking my finger, she begins dragging me.

"You gotta sit down Santa, and then we compare notes."

I sigh and follow behind my determined little niece. She's what many call 'gifted.' She was reading at two and talking back at two and half. So, of course, at four she's got the bargaining skills of the best lawyer you can find.

I sit and haul her chubbiness to my lap.

"All right," I say in as deep a voice as I can muster. "What would you like for Christmas this year, Lilly?"

It doesn't matter that I said her name; she knows I'm Santa, and I'm supposed to know her name.

"I want…hmmm…" She drags out her words, tapping her little finger against her chin. Then, it's as if it comes to her because her eyes light up like the wonderful, decorated tree in the corner.

"I'd like for Hunter and Dylan to listen to me. And for Mommy and Daddy to say "yes" to the pretty puppy I want to get."

I chuckle at her adorable little voice and her wants.

"Oh, ho, I'll see what I can do," I tell her in my Santa voice with a wink.

"Wait, I'm not done yet!"

But just as everyone's settling to hear the rest of Lilly's wants and wishes, the doorbell begins chiming away, and Mom scrambles up to get the door.

I can hear the voices from the kitchen.

And then the sweet cantor of her laugh. It's Bella.

A rugged old laugh bursts out, and I realize Bella's father is with her. I breathe a weird sigh of relief. I'm so fucking happy both of them made it and I want to get up and greet them right away. But something tells me that Lilly, Hunter and Dylan wouldn't appreciate it.

Mom, Bella and Charlie all make it to the living room and they stand there awkwardly for a moment.

Bella's in a tight-fitting red sweater and dark skinny jeans making her look sexier than usual, but I'm not complaining at all.

"Everyone, you remember Bella, right?" Mom asks, giving a stern look to Rose.

But thankfully everyone smiles and begins greeting her with pleasantries.

"This is her father, Charlie. They're going to be joining us tonight." My mom smiles warmly, and you can tell she's about to burst with happiness at this point.

"Who's that, Grammy?" Lilly asks, still perched on my lap.

"This is Bella, one of Uncle Eddie's friends."

My mother is careful to say friend with a tone that definitely suggests to anyone who isn't under four, we are more than friends. _Thanks__,__ Mom._

"But Uncle Eddie isn't here, remember?" the blue-eyed genius comments.

She's so fucking smart. Too smart, if you ask me.

My mother's eyebrows fall together for a brief moment. But then Lilly jumps in to help her out.

"Grammy, remember Uncle Eddie had to go out and get more beer because Daddy drank it all?"

"Oh, yes, that's right," she chuckles, before showing Charlie and Bella where they can sit.

As they're taking their seats, I lock eyes with Bella and wink at her. She smiles back, her eyes shining with mirth, and it makes me so damn happy.

It's official. I'm screwed.

After I listen to the Lilly mumble about a dolly she's dying to get, as well as Hunter and Dylan screeching cries to get away from me, I am finally released of my duty as Santa. I meander out the living room, and as I'm about to reach the kitchen I hear Bella telling everyone that she's going to make sure Santa makes it to his sleigh okay.

I wait for her at the foot of the stairs.

As soon as she comes around the corner, she's smiling brightly at me.

"Hey there…Santa," she greets softly, coming closer to me.

I gulp, trying like hell to keep my emotions in check, but it's so fucking hard. I know what I feel for her, but I also know how much it hurts to be lonely. And this past week has been like pouring salt in a wound. I'm trying not to get attached, but it's damn near impossible with all the new and old feelings coursing through my heart.

"Ho, ho, ho!" I say merrily. Keeping my mind off anything too deep tonight will be for the best.

She cracks up laughing, and makes me smile at the same time.

But then I hear Lilly asking where I am, well, the real me. So, I know that I have to be quick.

"I gotta change," I whisper quickly.

"Okay, hurry back, Santa." She's looking a little down as she turns on her heel, ready to head back into the living room.

"Wait, um…can you help me? It was a bitch getting into this." I'm not sure why I ask, 'cause I don't really need the help, but having her close to me feels better than far away. And it's Christmas Eve. I've made up my mind, for tonight at least. I'm not denying myself. I am going to give myself my own special Christmas present.

"Sure." She smiles and follows right behind as I lead her up the stairs.

Though, it occurs to me that I don't really have to lead her. She knows the way or at least she used to.

When we reach my room, I begin taking off my awful beard and itchy as hell hat. I want that shit off me as soon as possible. I'm so fucking hot, too!

I turn around to find Bella staring at the walls.

The same ones that are littered with a variety of pictures from high school.

I watch as her eyes move from one to the next and so on.

"You still have some of our pictures up?" she asks incredulously, not turning to look at me, just staring at the collection of memories.

I try to swallow around the lump that's in my throat. It's tough, though, because I can feel every emotion I've been trying to push down swarming back up.

"Yeah," I finally answer. I don't know why it takes me so long. It's like I'm admitting I'm guilty of something.

"I do too," she whispers so softly that if I hadn't stopped breathing I would've missed it.

"Really?" I question, stepping closer to her.

She nods, ducking her head.

"Which ones?"

Now I'm right in front of her. Still, for the most part, in my ridiculous costume, but I'm closer to her than I have been in a while and it feels amazing.

She shrugs, picking a piece of lint.

This is all Bella. Avoidance. She was like this before, too.

_**June 2**__**nd**__**, 2006**_

_It's hot and I'm sure as hell glad it's a Friday because if it wasn't I'd ditch and hit the l. _

_But since it is and it happens to be the last school day of the year, I don't ditch. This is it. The next time I walk through those god awful blue and orange doors__,__ I'll be a junior. One step closer to being finished with school. _

_It's a half day. So I round up my friends and let them know it's on for the beach this afternoon. _

_After school finally lets out, a bunch of us pile into a __few __car__s__ and head for the sweet sand and salty water that is a few minutes__'__ drive away. _

_Once we're on the beach, the girls lay out trying to tan__,__ and the guys get ready to dive into that refreshing looking water__,__ I stumble through the sand heaves over to Bella. She's sitting mostly by herself. Something I __am__ used to. She d__oes__ this. __All the fucking time. __She like__s__ to read rather than gossip and talk about nail polish. _

_I flatten out my towel next to her. I like Bella. She__'s__ cool. Sweet, too. That and you d__o__n't have a girl flapping in your ear insistently about petty shit that d__oes__n't matter. _

_After a while on the front, I turn and let my back have the heat. I face my head toward Swan, looking at her. She's got her floppy hat on, her sunglasses and her book in hand. She's too fucking cute. _

"_Hey__,__ Swan," I say__,__ trying to draw her out of her book world. _

"_Yeah?" she murmurs. I can tell she's not really paying attention to me. She's lost, far off in whatever land her book is about. _

"_What're you up to tonight?" _

_I know it's weird, but I've want__ed__ to ask her out for a while. And out of all the girls at school, she seems the most likely __to__ mesh with__ me__. She's just so, not your typical girly high school chick. I like that. And besides, we love the same music and I even enjoy hearing her ramble on about her books._

_She keeps holding her book. The page doesn't turn__,__ though, and I know Swan. She's a fast reader. There's no way she's still on the same page. _

"_Swan?" I ask, trying to get her attention. "Come on, it's just a date, I won't bite," I tell her with a grin. _

_She briefly looks at me before turning back to her book. _

_I reach up and slowly slide those sunglasses off her face. I want to see her deep brown eyes. They're the ones I've been so drawn to. They're the ones I feel like I can see the world in._

"_Please?" _

"_What kind of date?" she __inquire__s__ timidly__. _

_I smile. I love this girl. She's so free when she__'s__ talking about Elizabeth Bennett, Sal Paradise or even Catherine Earnshaw. I __really__ don't understand why she clams up so much in front of people. _

"_Wanna go to Paul's party tonight, together?"_

_She thinks about it for a moment before shrugging and agreeing. __"Yeah, I guess that'd be…um…nice."_

_I love it. _

_Bella Swan has just let me in. _

_That's truly something in my book. _

_I can't quit smiling the rest of the time I lay next to her on that sandy beach. _

"Which ones?" I ask again, lifting her chin so I can look into those eyes of hers that haven't changed one bit since high school.

She gulps and makes me want to kiss her even more, but I'm waiting for my answer first.

"Prom," she says with a shrug.

"That's it?" I lift my eyebrow for effect.

"The beach, a few dances, and—" She licks her lips before looking me right in the eyes. "— graduation."

My mouth drops open. I can feel it. But the shock is almost paralyzing.

She hung up a picture of us from graduation after I acted like a twit and took off.

_Damn._

I nod, not knowing what to say.

"Thanks," I whisper. It means more to me than I'm willing to completely admit that she's held on to so many memories.

I back up a little and begin stripping out of the costume. I ask Bella to help every now and then, so it wasn't a complete lie to ask her up to my room.

She helps, her gentle touch more than welcome, but nevertheless, I try to keep a friendly distance. I may be lying to myself while doing this, but it's the only way I can keep sane.

When my pillow is placed back on my bed and the awful woolen layers of the Santa suit are gone from my body, I'm happy.

I snatch up the bag of beer that's been sitting on my bedroom floor since this afternoon and reluctantly turn to leave my room.

I hear Bella shuffling along behind me. I can tell she doesn't want to leave our bubble any more than I do. But there's no way to escape the fact our families are downstairs waiting for us.

Once we're in the kitchen, I collect myself so I can make a big show of coming in through the back door, so the kids are none the wiser about me dressing up as Santa.

Just as I'm about to start banging around and making a big to-do, Bella pulls me aside.

She fidgets for a second, but then looks me in the eye.

"Hey, before you go back to being Edward, can I ask Santa a question?" She speaks low but with purpose.

My curiosity is peaking, so, of course I agree.

"I'm missing my suit, but go ahead anyway," I respond lightly, with a wink.

Her voice starts off so quiet I can barely hear. "Have I been a good girl this year?"

A chuckle bubbles up in my throat; I guess I'm a little lost as to what to say. But when I look down into her expressive eyes, there's no laughter, she's serious. So I play along.

"Of course you have," I answer, once I've composed myself.

"Then, um, does that mean I get my two wishes for Christmas?" she questions.

I take a moment to search her eyes, brushing a stray piece of hair away from her face. "Sure, what were your wishes?"

"The first is this, Santa," she whispers, pulling me close, gazing up briefly at the piece of mistletoe, I hadn't noticed dangling above us.

It all happens so fast. But her lips are on mine and my heart begins to pound in seconds. Bella's lips are soft, her breath is sweet, and I want to keep kissing her forever.

I don't miss her fingers gripping my shirt either, bringing me closer. She wants this as much as I do.

My left hand finds her soft, curvy hip and I hold on for dear life, while the other comes up and cups her sweet cheek.

Her kiss is insistent, but tender. This isn't about friendship…there is nothing _friendly_ at all about it. But I love it nonetheless. And maybe that's something to think about…later…when I'm not kissing this special woman.

My tongue swipes hesitantly over her bottom lip. And her perfect lips open up to me. The heat swirls between us and I don't want to stop, nope, not one bit. This moment is so good, so fucking perfect.

This is our first _real _kiss in a long time.

We pull away from each other when there's a throat clearing on the other side of the kitchen. I briefly look to the side to see my mother standing there, looking more than smug. I momentarily roll my eyes. She's got her arms crossed against her chest and a shit-eating grin spread on her face. I want to tell her that it isn't what it looks like, but my heart says it is. And that I would regret those words if they were said.

I turn back to see Bella blushing and looking away from my mother's insistent stare.

Thankfully, Mom doesn't say anything, not right at the moment, anyway. After she leaves, and I give Bella another kiss, we join the rest of the gang, and go about opening a few gifts. Ones for Bella and Charlie that Mom had thoughtfully gotten earlier in the day. And one a piece for Hunter, Dylan and Lilly.

After that is done, we eat a feast, to which I notice my mother sitting me right next to Bella. For once, I am grateful for my mother's meddling. I really like being close to Bella. And my mind continues to plea with me to do something about the situation.

I'm not oblivious to the fact we have more to talk about. So much more. That crazy night of angry sex back in Utica, for one. We haven't even discussed it, not one bit, and I think, with an internal sigh, that it might be time.

But not tonight.

Tonight is about family, love and a holiday we all want to celebrate and remember with joy.

After dinner is over, I'm dragged back to the living room by Lilly, who has decided I'm her personal pony for the rest of the evening. Bella tags along, giggling the whole way.

Charlie hangs back in the kitchen talking quietly with my parents. I'm happy to see him smiling while recalling some good memories from the previous years.

While I'm playing horsey, and our family is all enjoying each other, I realize how much better it feels to have someone here with me for the first time in a while. I swallow at this realization, but I don't have long to think about it. Lilly tugs on the collar of my shirt and demands me to gallop faster.

"Weee Uncle Eddie! Weee," her little voice giggles out.

I glance up to see Bella, Charlie, and my whole family looking down at me.

I smile back.

It's official, I'm in love with this day. It's been wonderful.

Rose looks at me with a glint in her blue eyes and cracks a smile. "I'd be careful, Edward, this could be you next year. You're not _that_ much younger than me."

I briefly turn my head and look at Bella, before shrugging back at my sister.

"Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to happen," I tell her with a smirk, before rearing back to hear the happy shriek of the little blonde Christmas elf on my back.

* * *

**First off, thank you to MC for Beta'ing this bad boy for me. **

**Second, What'd ya think?**

**Bella kissed her Santa, huh? **

**And what was that second wish she never got to ask about? **

**And what did you think about Edward's comment there at the end?**

**See ya soon! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**LRH-Chapter 13**

**Bella**

Christmas Eve is wonderful. Spending it with the Cullens is far better than I ever imagined it would be. And for that I'm grateful. Having someone special to pass the holiday time with and help keep my dad smiling is the best.

Dad really has a great time, too. He tells me this much as we're on our way home and the genuine smile on his face tells me he's not lying.

At first I wondered if he would feel a little off about sharing a holiday with them, or if he would look at it as charity. But the man continues to surprise me day in and day out. He did nothing of the sort, just simply told me he'd love to go visit with them.

It's definitely different spending a holiday with Edward's family, but the kids, the company in general, adds something that I couldn't have fabricated on my own. That's for sure.

All in all, coming home with Edward is probably the best decision I've made in my life in a very long time. I will forever be indebted to him for making my father's year. That's how Dad put it, at least.

As I sit next to my window waiting for the morning sun to rise, I close my eyes and think about last night. My head is swimming. I did something impulsive, something so incredibly foolish. I kissed him. That's all on me. There is no way I can say I tripped and fell on his lips.

"Edward must think I'm fucking crazy," I whisper to myself, wiping furiously at the hot tears that are welling in my eyes.

I try to calm myself. Desperately coaxing my throat to relax so I don't outright bawl.

"Why would I do that?" I ask myself out loud, smacking my forehead. "Ugh! Bella, you fool!"

I have no explanation for what I did. Nothing. Not even a glimpse at why I was doing it. All I can say is because, in that moment, there at his house, it felt right. I sigh. Hell, if he was here right now, I would probably do it again.

Though the peck he gave me after his mother caught us was slightly reassuring, I still can't see him accepting what my heart now wants. The feelings that are flooding through me are beginning to run too deep and I need to find a way to push them off to the side.

The sun peeks up above the tree line, making the fresh snow that's falling slowly this morning, glitter in its rays. What a beautiful sight.

I try to pull myself together. I need to make a feast today. I need to knock my dad's socks off and make this the best Christmas ever. This overwhelming feeling of need to please and make perfect creeps up my spine, but I know deep down that Dad will love whatever I do.

The breads are first. My grandma Swan's pumpkin bread is famous around the holidays, and since I missed Thanksgiving, I decided to spoil my dad with lots of it now. Thankfully, most of the ingredients were on sale.

Once they are in the oven and getting golden, I move on to the main dishes.

I get the potatoes peeled and the small turkey ready for the oven.

Some stuffing is next, and after it's done, then it's the squash.

And last but not least is the green bean casserole and rolls.

As I'm setting the table, trying to make our feast as festive as possible, my phone jingles.

I holler up to Dad, telling him that dinner is almost ready, and then run to answer it.

"Hello," I whisper, trying to keep my voice down. I already yelled at Dad for taking calls about the business this morning. My whole speech about a 'family day' is going out the window quick.

"Hey," I hear that familiar voice say. My heart speeds up and a smile instantly forms on my face.

"What's up?" I try to sound casual and not completely worked up over the fact that _he_ called _me_.

"I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, Bella." His words are so tender that my breath actually catches in my throat. I'm caught off guard by his sincerity.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Edward," I choke out, praying that my voice comes off as normal.

Thankfully, it seems that it does. We chat for a few moments before I hear Lilly dragging him away from his phone.

I whisper goodbye just as my dad is hobbling down the stairs from his nap.

We sit down to a wonderful meal. Dad says a small prayer, though we're not religious, I still see the appreciation for it.

And as we eat, he chats.

I smile, finally seeing my dear old dad resurfacing. That is until he starts asking me all sorts of questions about Edward. Ones, I can't answer.

I do explain the situation a bit though, attempting to answer the question of my 'cheating' with Jake and where Edward got the insane idea. Dad seems more or less accepting of the answers, but does shake his head in disbelief. He is disappointed in our friends and Edward's rash judgment. But he knows what it's like to be young and how we can't change what happened in the past. Only that we can move forward and grow from our mistakes.

He also, not so subtly, tells me he thinks Edward is a real nice guy and if things were to work out he wouldn't be opposed to it. He says he just wants to see me happy, and not alone.

I roll my eyes, trying to mask my emotions, and he chuckles. He knows me well.

I steadily move the conversation to the boat business. To be honest, he's discussed the specifics with everyone except me. So it's nice to hear he's still fairly busy and that he's brought on a new business manager while he's been taking it easy.

*RR*

I stand there, swinging my hips, whistling my own little tune as I clean up the dishes from our very successful feast. I think Dad really loved it and for the first time in a long time, I think he really felt well, and had a good time, too.

The knock on the front door takes me out of my own thoughts.

The glass is cloudy from the frost and it's dark out, but nonetheless I see him standing there. This is no dream. It's officially become a reality.

I walk to the door, peeking over my shoulder one last time to make sure my father hasn't snuck back downstairs in the time I've been cleaning up the dishes.

When I'm sure it's only me in the dimly lit kitchen, I quietly open the door. There's an unmistakable smile on my face, despite the fact I don't want my meddling father to know about my budding friendship, or whatever it is, with Edward.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I whisper, still with a smile on my face.

I'm just so happy to see him, no matter what.

He smirks sweetly, clearly not at all shocked by what I've said. Of course, my initial reaction is merely because there are so many open ends to this situation and I have no answers. None even for me…let alone my dad.

Despite the uncertainty of everything, I want Edward here with me. I want to secure his feet to the floor so he can't leave. But I'm not that crazy. Not yet, at least.

I grin to myself at my own insane thoughts.

"Sorry, I meant to say…" I begin, but my eyes are locked on those sweet, pouty lips that I remember all too well from yesterday and the many times before that.

Thankfully he waves me off then removes his jacket and hat. He runs a hand through his hair, trying to get it to behave, but it's useless. That hair I always loved is back in action, unruly and so messily beautiful.

"I'd say I just came over to wish you a Merry Christmas, but I already did that, so I guess I can't use that excuse." He shrugs adorably and toes off his shoes. My mind begins to race. What on earth is he doing here? And is he planning on staying?

"Okay," I say, drawing out the word.

"So, um, I guess I'm here for something else."

I'm about to speak when I look up and find him standing right there in front of me.

"You know it's not fair," he whispers, looking in to my eyes. I'm so stunned that I have to gulp back my shock.

"What's not fair?" I manage to ask.

"That you got to kiss me first," he tells me quietly before leaning in and kissing me hard on the lips. His warm hands are on my hips. His tongue is lapping lightly, begging for entry and my brain is being flooded with his sweet, seductive scent.

I'm a goner.

There's no way I'll make it out alive. That much is certain.

The kiss is intense and it means more than I could ever verbalize if I wanted to.

He pulls back first, but he doesn't stop touching me. His tongue peeks out and licks at his slightly swollen lips. And then just as I'm about to start worrying, his eyes gaze down at me with this very familiar look and his mouth tugs into a wide smile.

I bite my lip and blush. It's instinct. I can't help it or the grin that's spreading across my face.

"God I missed that," he breathes, pulling me close and hugging me into his chest.

"Me too," I choke out; as I feel Edward's hand gently caress the back of my head.

We break apart and I feel as light as a feather.

"Now that that's out of the way, I think we need to talk," he tells me quietly.

They're words I normally would've feared, but in this case, I am happy to hear them. Because we both need answers, some kind of direction to lead us. It's not right to keep going down the path that we're on with no guidance.

I know my feelings. They're strong and very present, that is for certain. But if Edward isn't there or doesn't want to be there, it would be best to cement that fact now. Though, I don't believe that's the case.

"Sure, let me make us some coffee, and I'll meet you in the living room," I agree.

I hurry through making some coffee and grabbing a few pieces of pumpkin bread. I know he likes it. He used to scoff it down when we were together.

I place the drinks and food down on the coffee table and take a seat on other end of the couch. I still want to be close to him no matter what the outcome of our conversation.

"Thanks." He nods to the small spread I just laid out. I see him eyeing the bread with a small smile on his face then he licks his lips, but when he resists taking a piece, I know there must be something very important on his mind.

"No problem," I finally murmur.

There's a tiny silence between us. I don't know if he's collecting his thoughts or if it is nerves keeping him quiet.

"Listen, Bella…" he starts, licking his lips and looking me in the eyes. "I don't know what's come over me because I really thought this was just some kind of passing feeling. I mean, it's been four years, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and I…I need you to know that."

I blow out the breath I didn't know I was holding and let myself focus on him, taking in what he's said. I smile though, to let him know he's not the only one.

He tugs at his hair a little, like he's trying to find the right words to say.

"It's like…every time I'm with you, near you, or even just talking to you, I feel…so good. So right. And it's a feeling that's escaped me since we broke up."

I smile wider, loving his description. "Me too," I admit quietly. Though, I'm holding myself back from saying that technically we never broke up. He just let me go.

It's true, 'so good' and 'so right' are the best ways I can also describe how he makes me feel. There are a million different words that would fit, but none would encompass everything that I need to tell him.

His eyes dart to mine and I can see the questioning gaze they are casting on me.

"What?"

"You do?" he questions, looking astonished. I don't know why however, I _was _the one to kiss him first, yesterday. If that didn't say everything pretty clearly, then I guess I'm going to have to hire a sky writer.

"Yes, Edward, I do. I can't pinpoint when the feelings came back. But at some point in the past week I've begun to feel _things_ again. It doesn't mean I automatically want to jump into a relationship," I tell him, because I have an overwhelming need to make myself clear. "But," I say, taking a breath, "I wouldn't mind exploring what these feelings could mean. Because they honestly never went away, and they are definitely resurfacing."

There. It was composed, well said, and it was everything I needed to make known with the cards I had laid out on the table.

He nods and smiles. "I agree with everything, Bella, and I feel the exact same way." He sighs. "We've caused ourselves and each other a lot of pain. There have been mistakes made on both our parts that we can't go back an undo. But, I think, since we are adults now, that we can start with a clean slate, don't you?" he asks, and I immediately nod. "I also think this a great place to open up some much needed lines of communication."

Again, I couldn't agree more.

"Sounds great to me."

"And I suppose we _should_ talk about the other night?" he says this likes it's a question.

He and I both know damn well which night he means.

Utica.

I shrug, because I'm not completely sure what I should say. I gulp and go with my gut. We're supposed to be building communication.

"It meant more to me than just one night," I breathe out.

"Me too," he utters, scooting closer to me, and takes my hand.

"I didn't want it to, not then, at least. But it did. And it was…comforting having your arms around me."

"Bella, it meant a lot more to me than one fucking night, too. I don't know what _made_ it happen. If it was tension, or the fact that, for the past four years you've silently haunted me, but whatever it was, I'm kind of glad it happened. I feel like I would be empty without you, now. I really care about you, Bella, I've always cared."

I close my eyes and savor the moment. Hearing those words and seeing him sit here in front of me is doing so much to heal the festering wounds that are still present in my heart.

"Thank you," I whisper softly.

It's then I know Edward can tell exactly what he means to me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me in nice and close. We just sit there for a few minutes enjoying the closeness and the comfort of one another. He kisses the side of my head, and I reciprocate by brushing my lips over his stubbled jaw.

Eventually, we pull away, and Edward hands me my coffee and he grabs his, too. We sip at them slowly, dunking a piece or two of pumpkin bread as we go.

"So, this is a little off topic, but right up the alley of communication," he begins.

"Yeah?"

"What was your second wish?"

I raise an eyebrow.

"For Christmas. Last night, you said you had two wishes."

I smile and sigh. I think it's adorable that he remembers all that, but at the same time my second wish is going to bring a gray cloud over this otherwise happy little thing we've got going on right now.

"Um, well, you know I wanted to kiss you and I did," I say with a little blush. I don't regret it at all, but I guess the teenager in me is rearing its ugly head.

"Yeah," he agrees with a devilish smirk. "And I'm thrilled you did." He winks.

I smile and shake my head, and boy do I want to kiss him right now again. But I'm holding back, for the sole purpose of communication. We're working on it, or at least we're supposed to be and moving too fast could ruin anything we _could_ have.

"So, what about the second one?" he prompts, more seriously this time.

"It was about my dad." My voice is low and sad. "I want to keep him for a little longer. I want him and everything else to be okay. He's…he's all I have." And when the words finish leaving my mouth and the tears drip down over my chin, the room is silent. I can't even hear him breathing.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He curls me into his side, holding me tight against him while I begin to sob in silence.

The reality of life is hitting me like a Mac truck. There is nothing I can do about it. Dad gets his treatment, and it is prolonging his life, but his cancer will most likely take him…sooner rather than later. That's what the doctors have said, at least. And it's a hard pill to swallow when you know without him, you're all alone.

Edward's comfort helps, but the pain is too much. It hurts to breathe.

* * *

**Thanks to my beautiful beta! And just so you guys know, you can now find this story on Twilighted! Yep, thanks to her and her special red pen, it made the cut! **

**So what did you think of Charlie and Bella's dinner?**

**That was very sweet of Edward coming over to give Bella a kiss, right?**

**And how about that very mature talk? **

**They're on the right track finally! :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Song rec for chapter: Aerosmith's - I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing**

**LRH-Chapter 14**

**EPOV**

In Camden it's hard to find a great place to go out on New Year's Eve, it's even harder to find a nice place, so instead I've opted for taking Bella out to a bar. As classless as it sounds, I have my reasoning. Bella doesn't want to go far, meaning that traveling to Portland or anywhere else that's at all interesting is out. Also, we're still testing the waters, feeling each other out, so to speak; therefore taking things slow and going to a bar seems like a good idea for a date.

I dress in a button down and khakis, nothing too dressy, but enough to get into a club if Bella's feeling it. I've asked her out tonight in an attempt to cheer her up a little. In my opinion, she needs some fun in her life. A little of the right kind of excitement won't hurt.

We've had a great week together, seeing each other off and on. She kept Charlie a priority though, and I truly respect that.

Tonight, however, is about her. She's in need of some Bella time, and I don't blame her one bit. A little relaxation, fun and some good conversation seem perfect for her.

I arrive at her front door promptly at eight. Bella wanted to make sure she and Charlie had a nice New Year's Eve dinner together before going out, and I could understand that completely.

The lights are out and I wonder if she's forgotten about our plans. I haven't had a chance to talk with her since yesterday.

My hand reaches up to knock, wanting to get out of the bitterly cold wind as fast as possible, but it's to no avail. The door swings open, only to reveal a gorgeous woman dressed casually but beautifully in what she tells me is some old thing, when I compliment her. I try to believe her because I know a little about the financial state she and her father are currently in, but it's difficult because she looks stunning.

Not dressed in anything crazy: a simple, blue plaid, blouse with a black belt and black skinny jeans, but that's just Bella, she can make anything look amazing.

Her long, brown hair is dangling down her back in soft waves, something that she doesn't often gift me the sight of and I'm grateful. Very grateful; because dammit she looks beautiful. And then her long, lean legs are accented by some outstanding heels, black ones that, in my opinion, would look great next to my bed. I shake my head at that thought because we're supposed to be taking it slow and if we aren't careful we could lose something amazing for the second time, and I definitely don't want that.

"Hey, there," I finally say, licking my suddenly dry lips. I don't know why I'm so fucking nervous, I can't explain it. It's not like I haven't been in this house before, even going out with her, but for whatever reason, it's like a first date all over again.

She smiles a cute, flirty smile at me and winks, probably because I've made it abundantly clear that I've been staring at her.

"How are you?" she asks, waving me inside and shutting the door behind us.

"I'm fine," I tell her. "Glad to be here now, though," I add with a grin.

She blushes back and my heart picks up. That fucker just won't quit when she's around.

We don't hang around her place for long; Bella doesn't want to disturb her dad. She tells me that he knows perfectly well we won't be home until late, but he needs his rest and leaving on a quiet note is for the best.

"Almost ready?"

"Yeah, is this okay for wherever we're going?"

I take advantage of my free pass to ogle her some more and let my eyes fall over every curve and valley that her beautiful body has to offer.

"For a bar? Yeah, it's great," I tell her with a smile.

"Sweet, let me just grab my jacket."

Bella slides on her puffy, black coat then we quietly leave. We hop in my car and I drive on down to Cuzzy's; it's a local joint with good food, great drinks and a relaxed atmosphere. We can play darts or pool and just hang out until midnight.

I rest my hand on the shifter as we roll down the road and she's quick to slip her hand underneath mine. I can't help but smile as I make my way down the snow covered roads. I take it slow, I'm not in rush, I've got everything I'm excited about tonight in the seat next to me and that's pretty fucking awesome, considering everything.

When we finally reach the little haunt I notice the parking lot is unusually crowded, probably thanks to it being such a big night tonight, though I really didn't think there would be this many people.

I hold her hand as we cross the ice and enter the smoky little joint. We squeeze in behind the people that are pushed up against the door, and then as we snake our way through the crowd, we finally make our way to the bar.

The familiar laid back rock music is playing over the voices that are trying to be heard.

"Hey, man," I greet Mike Newton, the bartender. I know him from high school and by the looks of it, he hasn't moved on much. He was a tool back then and now it looks as though he's a tool slinging liquor.

Bella snuggles into my side as I get us two beers, but doesn't say anything to our old classmate. I don't blame her. Mike's a waste of breath. He was a druggie back in the day.

"Thanks," she says in my ear. She's nice and close and fuck, she smells the same. Just like the first day in the car on the way back home, her perfume, lotion or whatever it is, she smells like she did then…back when things were normal.

We talk together for a few minutes in the corner, chatting about the day, getting the nervousness under control. It feels so good.

"So what do you wanna do?" I ask, sliding an arm around her waist.

She shrugs, snuggling in even closer, it makes me feel good. "I've never been here before, you tell me," she answers coyly.

I tilt my head to the side in question.

"You've never been here before?"

"Nope."

"Well, then, let me show you around, Ms. Swan."

***RR***

Three beers in and my back's to the wall, not to keep my balance though, no I can handle far more than three measly beers; it's actually to keep from touching her. I'm watching Bella take a shot on the pool table and loving the very amazing view I have of her ass.

She turns and winks at me before sending the ball hurdling for the pocket. Everything about her screams sexy and all I want to do with a little liquor flowing through my veins is touch, grab, press, and feel her. So back against the wall is the safest place to be.

_Slow._

She makes the shot and grins like a fool before turning to find her next victim on the green felt course.

I just smile and shake my head. It's really a shame that we wasted so much time apart. I've missed nights like this. The relaxing good ol' times where you can simply kick back and have a beer with the girl you love.

I take a deep breath at my inner rambling thoughts and try to lose the thought of love. It flusters me but just as I'm about to refocus my attention back on Bella and her pool skills, someone is tugging on my shirt.

"Edward? Edward Cullen?" I hear a voice that I vaguely remember.

I open my eyes, I didn't even realize I had closed them, and I see a familiar face standing in front of me.

My eyebrows scrunch together. "Alice?"

Her hair is blonde now, streaked with lavender, and she's a good clip heavier than I remember, but she still looks like the girl I used to know.

"Hey, bud, how's it going?" she asks cheerily. By the looks of her eyes she's had a few.

I smile down at her. "Good, just enjoying the finer things that Camden has to offer," I tell her.

"Me too," she says, holding up her beer. "So who are you here with?"

I glance over at Bella who is still trying to make her shot.

"Is that Bella Swan?" she asks with a slight edge to her voice. I don't like it. Not one fucking bit.

"Yeah," I confirm, because Bella hasn't changed a lot since high school, she looks the same, so it would be hard for someone to not know it was her.

"Oh. So you guys are still together?" she questions as her eyebrows dip together.

I take a breath in through my nostrils trying to calm myself. For whatever reason a large amount of anger is beginning to bubble up inside me. Four years' worth to be exact. "We've reconnected over the years."

It's the truth and it's simple.

"Hey, Edward, who're you chatting with?" Bella asks sweetly, coming around to my side. It's probably my turn and I've been ignoring the game. Not cool. Bella deserves more of my attention than this girl.

I turn to her beautiful face and look into her eyes, smiling at how good it feels to have her close. "It's Alison Brandon, you remember her, right?"

I watch as Bella carefully takes in the girl standing in front of us.

"Yes," Bella replies quietly. I can tell that she doesn't want her here, probably for the same fucking reason I'm getting so pissed with her presence. High school may have been four years ago, but after the last two weeks, what happened back then is far from water under the bridge.

"Hi, Bella, long time no see! How have you been?" Alice asks her brightly, bouncing back and forth on her tip-toes.

I watch as Bella collects herself. "I've been wonderful. I'm at North Western getting my degree in Psychology and I've been able to meet back up with a very special friend recently."

Bella's response is far more than collected, it's delicate and calm.

"That's great," Alice offers with a fake smile; I can tell just by how forced it looks. "You always had a knack for landing a guy."

Alice's passive-aggressive comment makes my blood boil. But Bella is still cool when I turn and check on her.

"Actually, funny that you ran into us. I've been thinking for the past few days how great it would be to see you again," Bella begins, ever so sweetly. I'm surprised by her words, but I choose not to comment. Bella is more grown up than me and my glaring at Alice, wishing her head would burst into flames, is the way I'm dealing with the situation.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about how wonderful it would be to thank you," Bella tells her.

I can't keep my eyebrows from dipping together.

"I just wanted to tell you how great my summer after high school was because of you. How spectacular it was to lose someone so close to me, someone I loved, because of your filthy mouth. But most of all I wanted you to know that none of that matters now. I always knew that you liked him," Bella glares at Alice with nod in my direction, "I just never thought you'd sink so low as to tell him I was cheating on him."

Alice's lips form a snide grin; her eyes fix themselves on Bella the best they can manage with the alcohol floating through her veins. "Bella, sweetheart, I did him a favor. Edward was better off without you. He needed to see how great he was by himself and he couldn't see that with your legs spread, clouding his vision. I'm sure he's moved on, several hundred times."

I'm a little more than disturbed at Alice's comment. I tried to move on, but my heart was stubborn. I may have slept with a handful of people over the years, but I could never commit. I didn't know it then, but I needed Bella. More than I could ever imagine.

I narrow my eyes and grit my teeth. I'm dying to lay this little bitch out, but I'm trying like hell to hold my tongue and not make a scene.

"Alice-"

But Bella stops me, placing a hand lightly on my chest, telling me with one look that she's got this.

"Alice," Bella says, settling her hand on Alice's, "you're right. He needed time on his own to figure out his life. And look at that…we found each other again. By the way, how's that nasty case of the clap? Still lingering? And how about all those big dreams? Going to school, becoming a manager, and getting married? Hmm, did Jaz ever pop that question? No, oh that's right, he didn't. Maybe he's still trying to find himself too?"

Bella didn't wait for a response instead she tugged on my hand and lead the way out of the crowded bar.

***RR***

We make it back to my house and thankfully everyone is quiet, if not asleep.

Bella didn't feel like sticking around after seeing Alice in Cuzzy's, and you know what? I didn't either. I haven't seen Alice in a while and after all that was revealed to me from Bella, it seems like it was a pretty good thing that I had grown away from my so-called friends back home.

As we enter the hallway, I look into the living room; Rose and her family left a few days ago and the house seems so empty without her.

Now, though, I'm sort of glad that she isn't here to grin and make her comments about how I might be a father next year. I like the idea, but Bella and I are just getting back to being friends. Who knows what the next year will bring?

I lace my fingers through hers after we finish discarding our shoes and coats.

She's shorter now, but I don't care one bit, she's fucking gorgeous regardless and I will tell her that later. For now, I just want her to feel comfortable with me.

We make it up to my room.

"We can hang out here and watch the ball drop," I tell her.

She smiles wide and looks legitimately happy. Two weeks ago, I would've never imagined her here, now it's been twice in that time. I'm getting used to her being here; it feels right, and I may have even set out a few more pictures I had hiding in my bedroom closet.

"That sounds great." She climbs up on the bed and crosses her legs, getting comfortable.

The sight of her sitting on my bed after all these years makes me gulp.

The mantra "we're taking this slow," keeps replaying in my head.

I take my time stretching my arms over my head before settling in next to her.

I hand her the remote because honestly it doesn't matter what comes on the television, tonight my attention is taken.

When she grumbles about nothing being on and I notice we still have an hour before the countdown I step over to the radio and put on my iPod. The trip home made me realize that there were plenty of memories still locked away on it. Maybe some good music will lead to some nice conversation.

The music is decent and at first we both just let the melody surround us, but then the song changes to Aerosmith's 'I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing' - it's our old song...the one that used to mean so much to both of us. And as soon as it comes on I can see her eyes flicker for a brief moment.

So I'm quick to jump to my feet and offer a hand.

"Would you like to dance?" I ask. It's so corny, so ridiculously dorky, but damn does it seem appealing.

Her smile is sweet and she takes my hand in a blink of an eye. "Sure."

I restart the song and then begin to move us around my room together.

All that keeps me going through this is the fact that she's so close…oh, and I think she secretly loves it, too.

She tucks her head under my shoulder while I guide us some more. The song changes, but it doesn't matter, we stay like this…holding each other.

A while passes before Ryan Seacrest announces it's time to countdown to midnight. But no matter what, we don't break apart; she mumbles the numbers into my shoulder, while I hum them out into her hair.

Then when we get to one, she sleepily lifts her head and I lean down to peck her on the lips, whispering, "Happy New Year, Bella."

"Happy New Year, Edward."

When it's over and the celebration is finally transitioning into some old-timey movie, I lead us back to the bed; it's obvious she's exhausted and to be honest, my lids are feeling pretty heavy.

She flops back on the bed adorably and I lean down placing a light kiss on her nose, to which she smiles softly.

I fumble with my phone for a moment, setting the alarm, before pulling off my shirt and stripping down to my boxers then I get in on the other side, pulling the blankets up over us. I wrap my arms around her soft body and bury my nose in her tangled waves. It feels so good to be next to her, holding her and for once my bed doesn't feel nearly as cold or empty as it had before.

As I close my eyes, I hope this new year will bring new and wonderful things for us.

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**A HUGE thank you to MC who helped and pushed me through this one! Sorry for the delay, RL has been crazy. **

**What did you think of their realitively quiet NYE's together? **

**How about the Alice run-in?**

**And doesn't the last part just make you wanna go Awe?**


	15. Chapter 15

**LRH-Chapter 15**

**Here's the last full chapter! Thank you to all you boys and girls that stuck with me through this one! It's been an emotional roller coaster, but I've had a blast writing and I will miss these two! **

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**BPOV**

I'm gathering my bags and checking off everything on my mental list. I think I have it all, but my mind isn't focused, so who knows?

I can't believe Christmas vacation is over. It sure turned out a hell of a lot differently than I'd originally thought, and I smile, realizing how wonderful it was, both for me and my father.

After a great New Year's celebration with Edward, and a wonderful New Year's Day spent watching football with my dad, I'm trying to make myself ready to head back to reality.

I hear my dad's gruff voice, so I know my time is up and I need to get a move on. I reach for each bag before heading down the stairs.

I'm greeted with the sight of my dad hugging Edward. It's a strange thing to see, but wonderful at the same time. Don't get me wrong, they were close _before_, but I don't think that ever included hugging. Especially since hugging isn't really on my dad's list of manly boating activities.

I can't keep the smile off my face when I sneak up behind them.

I can hear Dad telling Edward that he needs to keep an eye on me and make me as happy as he can. The words make a lump form in my throat. I can't help but realize that he's asking Edward to keep me safe and happy because of his poor medical condition. He wants to make sure I have someone in case…

I can't even think it.

I take a few, deep breaths, trying to calm down before surprising them both with my presence. The last thing Dad needs to see, before I leave, is me in tears.

It's time to go back to school now, but I know in a few short months I'll be back and home for good.

For once, the prospect of coming home after college actually seems like a pleasant thought. Of course, I've always wanted to come home and spend time with my dad, but it was hard to see a life existing here, outside of my dad, before Edward. Now, I am in fact looking forward to it.

"Bella, honey, I didn't see you standing there," my father murmurs, trying to collect himself.

It's clear on his face that he was thinking the same thing I was: just exactly how empty our lives are going to be without each other.

I push that thought right out of my mind, though. There isn't time to think like that. And besides, if I do start thinking that way, there will be no way to keep a smile on my face.

My dad is my lifeline.

End of story.

"Babe, you ready?" Edward says, immediately taking some suitcases from my hands and lifting them with ease.

I smile at him sweetly and thank him.

I lean in and silently ask my dad for a kiss on the forehead. It's what I've always done since I was little, and there is no changing that. He's my dad and I can't leave home without a kiss goodbye.

He gives me squeeze and I take in a deep breath, trying to keep my emotions in check.

After a moment, he lets go and clears his throat.

"You two have a safe trip, now," he says, as Edward leads us out the door into the cold.

"We will, Dad. I love you, and I'll be back before you know it."

It's true, Edward and I have already talked about it, and we plan to be back for a few weekends here and there. Then there's spring break, which in reality is right around the corner.

"Love you, too, sweetie."

We walk down the path and make it to the snowy drive. I hop in on my side while waving madly at my dad. He cracks a smile and waves back.

This does so much to warm my heart that it's not even funny. Dad actually looks pretty good, and I know he's not cured but he's doing okay.

Even with an uncertain future, I know it'll somehow be all right.

I grip Edward's hand once we're safe inside his warm SUV and whisper how much he means to me. Because if it's one thing I've learned in life, you don't wait to tell people how you feel about them.

"Bella, I love you, too," Edward tells me, before backing out on to the empty street.

Our vacation has come to an end, but I know it's just the beginning for us. We've come a long way, and I know we have so much more to share with each other.

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**So? What'd you think? **


	16. Chapter 16 Epilogue

**A huge thank you to MC, you're a wonderful friend and you've been one hell of a beta over the years! I'm so glad to have you on my team and I can't wait to see what kind of magic we make in the future. **

* * *

**LRH-Epilogue**

**Bella**

We make it back to college just fine, and in the months following our reconnection life seems brighter. My heart feels lighter, but still the same. Without Edward the last four years, I guess I didn't realize just how incomplete I felt.

Sure, I've had friends. Close ones even.

But Edward will always be far and above them. It's weird, but he's so deeply imbedded in my life that I can't deny what he means to me. Not even after the misunderstanding.

The rueful smile that crosses his face when he's being sneaky, or the way his eyes seem to darken when he's interested in more than just talking, makes my heart skip a beat.

And when I inhale that familiar scent, the one that floods my mind with memories, first off in the morning, it keeps me grounded and makes me feel safe.

We've had a great couple months together, just enjoying life and each other.

We even made it back home a few times, making my father's eyes light up, in turn making my heart melt. Edward has been so wonderful and supportive, through all my emotional ups and downs.

I'm slowly coming to terms with reality, though. As much as I've kept myself from thinking about the future, I just can't deny the fact that every time I go home I wonder how much time I will have with Dad. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I get over it soon after I arrive and have learned to enjoy the time I have with him. We take each day at a time, and savor every moment.

***RR***

We graduate tomorrow, and I will be headed home before I know what to do with myself. It's good and bad all rolled into one. I'm looking forward to spending the summer at home with my dad. But I have no desire to run into anyone else from high school.

As proud of our relationship as I am, I still don't wish to have to defend it to anyone again. I'm afraid the more Edward and I are around town the more that's going to happen. I tell myself there isn't anything that someone could say to break us, but who knows?

"Hey babe, was this the box you were looking for?" Edward asks from the other side of the room. He startles me from my thoughts, but I'm almost grateful for the distraction because I just can't seem to shake the morbid feeling that's been seeping into the next stage of my life.

"Yeah," I whisper, taking a deep breath. I'm attempting to control my emotions, but I'm sure as hell that he sees through it. It's the same thing he's been dealing with, concerning me, for weeks. I can't stop with the high strung emotions, even though I keep telling myself I can't change any of it.

No matter what I do, this summer will be bittersweet. The doctors tell me dad stopped responding to meds. So, now it's just a waiting game, see if the cancer spreads; see if he weakens, or if they can find another solution before it's too late. But sadly they insist there is nothing more that can be done.

I hate knowing my summer home will most likely be tainted with death and heartache. It's just frustrating knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do to save him.

He's my dad. My one and only parent, and I need him in this scary world, no matter how ready he thinks I am for life, he's the best. As much as I've tried to imagine life without him, every time I do, my body racks with pain and my eyes well up with tears. It's an unbearable pain that I can't seem to escape.

"Bella, come on hon, you know it might be okay," he tells me, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

It feels good and it's a comfort, but I can't count on mights. Life just doesn't work that way.

He sets the box down and pulls me close, kissing my forehead and rubbing my back, trying to get me to calm down, but it's all so difficult.

"Besides, you'll see him tomorrow."

It's true and that fact does bring a bright smile to my face.

Edward's parents have graciously agreed to help him on the plane and are sitting next to him. They even paid for the ticket. But of course he doesn't know that. They've been wonderful, bringing him dinner every now and then and having him over for cards. It's really nice to know he's not just sitting on the couch by himself every night of the week.

I try not to let it bother me, but I can't always help it.

Edward sweeps my hair over my shoulder and kisses me tenderly. It's incredibly sweet and I can't help but fall in love with him a little bit more with all the compassion I feel in only a tiny peck.

***RR***

I don my cap and gown, straightening my dress that's underneath before zipping my gown. I'm ready. It's time and that also means in just one short hour my dad will be here with Edward's parents, something I'm looking so forward to.

Edward rushes around, putting on a tie, fixing himself just so. He says these pictures will be looked back on for years to come, and are going to be very important to our happy memories, so he wants to look handsome. I can't blame him. I've spent some extra time in the bathroom too, and I'm not normally very vain. But if four years of hard work will be represented in a few pictures, then yes, of course I want to look my best.

"B, you almost ready?" Edward hollers from the other side of his small apartment.

"Yep," I shout back, trying to squish my camera into my cutch that is already stuffed full of my phone, some tissues and my I.D.

_Tough job. _

"My parents are downstairs with your dad," he yells, making me nervous.

I silently do a little happy dance and grab my shit, heading for the front door.

Edward's there offering me one of the warmest smiles I've ever seen and oh boy, does it make me feel good. Today just can't get much better.

We hurry down the stairs only to be showered in love by our parents. The feelings are overwhelming and I try to keep myself in check while I'm hugging everyone, including Emmett and Rose who happened to show up as a surprise.

_A pretty cool surprise__,__ if you ask me. _

My dad grabs hold of me and hugs me hard. Feeling his strength, feeling his love, is amazing, and while I hug and kiss him back I wonder if he's stronger than I remember.

Love is overflowing everywhere, even Rose, with whom I had a rough start, hugs me and tells me how proud she is of me. It's comforting to know we've put all that drama behind us and that things are great between us now. It's hard to believe so much healing has happened in merely a matter of months, but Edward and I couldn't be in a better spot, and I am so happy.

***RR***

We clap for Edward as he proudly walks across stage and collects his diploma. Then, after what feels like a few hours later, it's my turn. I get up and strut my stuff. I'm overjoyed, smiling as brightly as possible and shake hands with the Dean and finally receive my hard-earned diploma.

I'm so excited that I exit the stage without even thinking about it.

After a few deep breaths I take my seat just like everyone else and wait for the rest of the graduating class to finish receiving their diplomas.

Once the last name is called we all throw our hats into the air. It's been a long four years, but in my opinion it was worth every minute. I'm relieved to have it behind me though, but also both excited and nervous to see what the future holds.

I walk across the thick grass to our family, who are gathered together congratulating Edward. I smile when I see him, but go over to my dad for a hug first before kissing Edward lightly on the lips.

It feels good to have everyone on our team, all our loved ones beaming with happiness for us.

Esme wants pictures and Dad does too, so we all huddle together for a series of photos that will surely be plastered all over the house in every which way.

Then she tells everyone she wants a few of just Edward and me. We hug for the first one then the wind catches my hair and Rose has to help me fix it.

When it's straight I attempt to slide my arm back around Edward without really looking. So when I can't feel him, I turn my head to see him down on one knee, looking at me with this proud, beautiful smile.

My heart races and I take a quick look around at all the faces surrounding us. Not one of them seems surprised…and I can hear Esme's camera going off like crazy.

Edward's eyes are glistening with emotion when mine land back on his. I'm having trouble breathing. But eventually I calm down long enough to give him the hand that he's beckoning for. He rubs it with his thumb, attempting to soothe me, but that's nearly impossible.

"Bella, it's been when one hell of a long road home for us, but I'm really glad we were able to find our way back to one another. Now more than ever am I able to say that life just wouldn't be the same without you. The fun, the smiles, the family," he tells me, cutting his eyes briefly to my dad and making the watery dams break free.

"I don't want to let another day slip by without letting you know just how important you are to me. Life's too short to beat around the bush. I'm in love with you. There's no doubt about that…I knew it four years ago," he says and gets up off his knees, pulling me into a hug. I can't help but hug him with all my might, even with tears streaming down my face.

"I love you, too," I tell him, shaking.

"Then marry me," he says simply, pulling back and showing me the gorgeous ring he had been hiding in his palm.

"Yes," I scream, not wanting anyone to miss my answer. I reach up and kiss my man, not tenderly, not really a kiss I should share in front of my entire family. No, a kiss that says there is no question of the passion between us, a kiss that tells him, in no uncertain terms, that I want to marry him and love him for the rest of my days.

"Here, baby." He grabs my hand and slides the delicate ring on my finger.

I can't even focus on it though, because I'm so fucking happy that all I can do is take in the fact I'm getting married to the man I love.

I slip into my own head for a few minutes, while Edward wraps a strong arm around me and everyone tosses around words of congratulations.

Today got better, I never thought it could, but it did.

Life is as perfect as it can get right now, and I plan to spend the summer planning our wedding, one that I am sure, God willing, my dad will be at to walk me down the aisle.

That will be the final road I'll need to travel to connect me with Edward…forever.

* * *

**There you have it... :) **


	17. Chapter 17 Epilogue 2 -- Down the Road

**MC came up with the title and I just couldn't put this little baby down. I had to get it out. So here you go, Epilogue 2 or futuretake... whatever you want to call it. Enjoy loves! :)**

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**LRH-Epilogue 2 Down the Road**

**Edward**

I roll over and smile.

Next to me, is happiness, and the reason I wake up in the morning.

Her diamond catches the light and sparkles against the walls, dancing in her quiet sleep. That's all it takes to pull me back to that day, as I remember looking in to Bella's eyes and seeing everything I needed in life.

That's why I asked her to marry me. It was an easy decision. We'd worked past our issues and put all that behind us, something I never imagined would've happened after four years apart, but it did, and I'm more than thankful for it.

I love this woman more than life itself.

So, five years ago, when we got all dressed up – me in my black tux and her in a beautiful, off-white, silk wedding gown – and I got to watch her father walk her down a rose petal strewn aisle, I made sure I was prepared with just what I wanted to say. I made sure I had every perfect word together. And then when I went to say it all…I bawled like a fucking baby. But, I got the gist of it out.

She laughed and then teared up as we said our commitment to one another.

Then, while we calmed ourselves, I had imagined the future…something that seemed so sweet and tender with this beautiful woman.

I take a deep breath and run my finger over her soft cheek, and remember finally taking her in, realizing just how gorgeous she looked that day…she was especially stunning.

I probably think about our wedding more than most men. It was a wonderful day, one of my favorite ever. One of the best memories I have, beside the birth of our children.

"Dadda," I hear a small voice murmur, pulling me back to reality.

The boy is up and that means I need to be up. "Coming, Tommy," I say softly, since his mom still isn't a morning person.

I check to make sure she's still asleep before slipping across the hall.

Bright green eyes stare up at me from the white toddler bed in the corner.

"Morning, little man."

"'Ning Dadda!"

He's always in such a good mood in the morning, couldn't be more different than his mom if he tried.

I smile at his goofy expression, and he squeals with excitement.

"Shh… You don't want to wake Maddy, do you?" I ask, with a frown.

"Nah, she a stinka in the 'ning!"

That little girl is more and more like her momma every day.

"Want some breakfast, bud?"

He nods enthusiastically and gives me a big toothy smile.

Thomas just turned three, while I know he's still little, I firmly believe he's growing up far too fast.

It seems like just yesterday we got the good news he was on the way.

As I pour Tommy some cereal I begin to reminisce.

_Thank God, it's Friday, and I'm finally home from work… I like my position at Charlie's fishing company, but I am so tired and worn out from a long day out on the water. While it isn't the kind of work I went to school for, it is just as rewarding._

_I walk through the door and see the living room is dark. The kitchen lights are out__,__ too. And it isn't as if it's even that late. I walk through the house and hit the den, the door is just cracked open and there's a faint glow spilling on to the floor. _

_I slowly open the door to see Bella curled up in my T-shirt sleeping in the chair. _

"_Bella?" I say softly, trying to wake her. _

"_Yeah?" she murmurs and tucks her head between the pillow and the back of the chair. I think she's going to go back to sleep, but then her head pops up with great surprise. "Edward?" _

"_Yeah, hon?" _

"_You're home?" she questions, as if confused. _

"_Baby, are you okay?" I ask, as I kneel down beside her. _

_She licks her lips and blinks her eyes a few times. The process is adorable. "I think so, I'm just really__, really__ tired." _

"_Have you thought about calling the doctor__, baby__?" I wonder__, caressing her cheek with my fingertip__. _

"_I did, and I went to see him today, actually." _

"_And?" _

"_And Mr. Cullen, in about nine months you're going to be the happiest father the world has ever seen," she t__ells __me with a warm, passionate kiss on the lips. _

_My wife is telling me that she's pregnant and as it begins to sink in…I realize I am going to be a dad! _

_And I know today is a day I will never forget._

"Edward, you need some help with that?" a sleepy voice says from behind me, pulling me out my memory.

I turn to see Bella smiling happily. It's a rare occasion for six in the morning. I walk over to her and kiss her noisily, mostly to get a rise out of Tommy.

When he groans and goes, "Eww..." I know I've done my job.

I back up and let my hand slide down to her tiny belly. We haven't told Tommy yet, but he's going to be a big brother again. His sister Madyson will more than likely throw a fit over the matter, but I'm pretty excited. Another boy makes my heart beam with happiness.

Bella reaches for the coffee maker and turns it on, impatiently waiting for her allotted daily caffeine. I hand Tommy his breakfast and go to get Ms. Maddy up. She has her one-year doctor's appointment today. It's hard to believe that she's already a year old already. But as I walk into Maddy's room I see that the floor is fully covered in toys and it's not from her.

"Charles Thomas, get down here please!" I shout after closing Maddy's door. No need to get her up because of something her brother did.

"Daddy, what's a matta?"

"Were you in Maddy's room playing this morning?" I ask him as sternly as I can manage, while looking into those innocent green eyes.

"Nah, it was last night, Daddy."

I try not to crack a smile at his flippant answer. I calmly return to "Dad-Mode" and tell him to very quietly pick up every last toy before he can finish breakfast.

"Okay," he says with a sigh.

"What's up?" I ask, because I know my kid.

"Why'd you have to use my full name…you make it sound like you were callin' Gammpy?"

I chuckle. My stubborn little man. "Would you like me to get Grampa Charlie over here? He'd tell you to do a lot more than pick up your toys," I let him know. That man, Charlie Swan, is tough as nails. He beat cancer, he's now in full remission after trying an experimental treatment; he kicked its ass and got his company back on its feet. Something I never dreamed we'd see, but it was amazing to witness.

I'm glad he's been around to see these little ones grow. It has made Bella very happy for our children to have their Grandpa Charlie, and Bella very thankful to still have her dad.

It's been on hell of a ride down this long and winding road. Life's been good to us, though, and while it's a crazy, hectic life with two kids and third one on the way, I'm still taking every chance I get to savor the moments that matter.

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**Remember to savor the moments that matter. Love as hard as you can and don't forget, we don't always get second chances. **

**I love you guys so much for loving this story and making my heart swell with joy during a rough patch for me. **

**MC and I will be back soon with some new stuff, til then! :)**


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